Fun & Famous

15 THINGS YOU THINK WHEN YOU BOTH WANT TO BE A STARFISH

People! Buckle up again, because today's issue is quite a, uh, issue. Here it comes.

So my friend and I regularly want to be a starfish (!).

And for everyone who now thinks there will be an inspiring piece about mimicking a starfish while lying in the sea, during the annual trip to Ibiza for example, and that you then lie in the sea together with your arms and legs spread wide, and while floating fantasize that you are both a starfish, and look up at the sky feeling like a huge free spirit, to those people I would like to say: hey damn girl, no, this piece is not about that.

In this piece, we are talking about hanging out as a starfish in bed. Where you lie on your back in bed with your legs and arms spread wide and the other person does all the work. However, there is one mega super important condition for the success of being a starfish, and that is that there can only be one starfish at a time. Because otherwise, the problems really start. Just read.

15 things you think when you both want to be a starfish:

1. YAASS. Today I want to be the starfish. Come on, I'm going to lie down comfortably. Just doing a little this, and that, and now of course looking sideways seductively and a bit questioningly, because otherwise, he will never turn off the iPad.

2. Now just hope he turns off the iPad.

3. Oh, great! The iPad is turning off.

4. Shit, nothing is happening. What is he looking at?

5. What are we getting now? Is he going to start starfishing too?

6. But, um, sorry, I am really extremely tired. I am way more tired than you. I really have no desire to be active. I have no strength to get up, really no strength at all.

7. I really had the heaviest day.

8. Come on, let's get some action in here now.

9. Hello, hello, are you still alive? Here I am. I'm lying here!! I'm in trouble!

“So my friend and I regularly want to be a starfish (!).”

10. Should I just go eat chocolate?

11. Or turn around and start iPadding myself?

12. But I don't feel like that! Dammit! I'm still in trouble!

13. Well, then let's just lie on our sides? Then I can still be a bit relaxed. Let's see if the other half can be persuaded to do that.

14. Yes, it works! Well, it has to be like this. Just need to position my arm properly. And then that other arm there – and maybe my leg – well, it's all not ideal and it doesn't look remotely like a starfish anymore, but you have to row with the oars you have.

15. HAVE YOU HAD ENOUGH DETAILS, YOU DIRTY LITTLE PERVERTS. For real filth, you need to go to other sites.