Fun & Famous

17 things that go through your mind when you run into your ex

All those hundreds of times you feared you would run into him in the supermarket or while out and about, Mr. was nowhere to be found. And now suddenly, after all these years, whether you like it or not, stands The Ex in front of you. Of all days, on this day, when you just quickly stepped out to grab something trivial like tampons. Status: great hair, a huge Mount Everest on your chin, and an old rag on. But of course.

The misery that goes through you then?

1. Oh help. Could someone please point me to the nearest exit? Anyone? SOMETHING? I’m not kidding.

2. Now. I mean it.

3. Okay, I’m hiding. No fuck too late, he’s already too close. Can I quickly fake that I’m on a call or something? Waaaaaar is my phone?

4. So I’m definitely pretending I don’t see him. Oh no, I’m never getting away with this, I’m turning red. Deep breath and just say hi then.

5. What do I do? Three kisses? A handshake? Awkward hello? HELP.

6. Why did I have barely any makeup on today and wear this t*fus clothing?! Help me remember to ritualistically burn this at home. And I’m NEVER buying tampons again.

7. What an ugly guy he has become! Pfffooeee.

8. Jesus, was I drunk when we were in a relationship? I don’t get it.

9. Okay, stop the play. He looks better than ever. And you know it.

10. Wow, who is he actually walking next to? Who IS that chick? His girlfriend? Why does she have a Chanel bag?

11. Fuck fuck fuck, now it really matters. Just a quick greeting and coolly move on. “Of course I’m doing fantastically, how about you? I actually have to rush to an appointment. Good luck, bye.”

12. Oh Jesus what an embarrassment. Good luck, right? Wtf is wrong with me? Help me remember to hire a handsome robot at home who walks by my side 24/7 + gets tampons for me.

13. That chick was really very pretty.

14. He’s probably not happy.

15. Neither is she. He’ll finish in three seconds. Ha.

16. What is bestie (x) doing now? *picks up phone*.

17. “Honey? Wine? Now? Yes, it’s 11 o’clock I know. No really, code Red. Now, believe me.”