Travel & Hotspots
7 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW IF YOU'RE GOING TO PARIS
She confessed it hesitantly. By email. Saying it to her face would have been too much. Kiki (you know, editor at Amayzine.com) had never been to Paris. ’But really never?‘ I sputtered back. ’Not even during a school trip in a faraway past?‘ Nothing, nada, jamais. Never.
Look, I only went to New York for the first time when I was 34, but Paris! That's just a five-hour drive, three hours by train. Come on now, right? Before we officially crowned Kiki as editor, she had to look us deep in the eyes and solemnly promise to endure her Paris initiation as soon as possible. Dutiful as she is, she jumped on the first press trip that came along, and tomorrow it will all happen.
But they are peculiar types, those Parisians, so I whisper some phrases to Kiki (and you) that you need to know if you want to understand them a bit. Collected from my friends at Frankrijk.nl.
1. C’est énorme
They mainly mean this when they find something terrible, unbelievable, or disgusting. Where we pull out an OMG, the Parisians say c’est énorme.
“Parisians are crazy about abbreviations, of which there is again proof”
2. C’est l’hallu
Comes from ‘hallucinating’. Parisians are crazy about abbreviations, of which there is again proof.
3. Putain
Preferably in every sentence, but no, they don't really mean it that badly.
4. C’est pas mal
That means they think something is incredibly good. If they thought it was total nonsense, they would have said ‘c’est pas trop’. The French (or at least those who live in Paris) do not like overstatements. It’s not smart and not chic, and they are both of those things, of course.
5. Le Luco
Jardin du Luxembourg for habitué(e)s. If you drop that casually between ‘nez et lèvres’, you let them know that you come there very often and, even better, that you probably live very close by. So you are rich. And powerful. And probably bizarrely well-dressed.
“Just say it was hyper pointu. That sounds vague and intelligent. Exactly how the Parisians wanted it‘
6. Paris intra-muros
That means the inner ring of Paris, also known as the only part of the world that really counts. Everything outside of it is completely negligible, and everyone who lives there is a pariah and a pitiable type. In New York, they call this the B’s and T’s (Bridge and tunnel people, meaning everyone who has to reach the city via a detour and can therefore easily be socially excluded). Anyway, you don’t have to do anything with it, but know it and do everything you can to at least sleep intra muros. Just the idea.
7. C’est hyper pointu
If someone asks you something (for example, what you think of a certain movie) and you don’t really know what to think of it or you haven’t seen it at all, you just say it was hyper pointu. That sounds vague and intelligent. Exactly how the Parisians wanted it.
Oh Kiki, any more tips:
1. Don’t be shocked if a coffee costs four euros.
2. Insult the waiter before he insults you.
3. Leave your overly flashy clothing and logo bags at home.
4. Don’t measure someone’s status by their car (in Paris, the richest businessman has a dented little car).
5. Parisians give two kisses. More is for people from the provinces.
6. If you want to be hip, don’t order a gin and tonic but an Aperol Spritz.
7. You can smoke. That’s chic in Paris.
8. Desserts are shared. And watch out with the wine. I have never seen a Parisienne drunk.
