Fun & Famous
7 X QUESTIONS THAT DRIVE US CRAZY
You get it spoon-fed: kids that ask questions are skipped over. Can we apply that old saying to the bold questions in life? That you just give that as an answer when the neighbor on a mandatory neighborhood tea round asks if baby number two is already on the move? Sounds fun to me. A new code of conduct under the questions that are better left unasked. That you then chirp: neighbors who ask questions are skipped over and then shout at the top of your lungs for a glass of Sauvignon. By the way, these are the legitimate questions that you can absolutely respond to.
1. Why are you still single?
Our editorial team has quite a few attractive, single appearances. You can feel it already, right? You get all those awkward questions. Exactly, why are they still single? And if you add on ‘but how can that be, because you’re so nice‘, then I give you free advice: run. Just imagine someone asking non-stop if you’re happily married, in love, or with your boyfriend, and more importantly… but how come? And that within, let’s say, the first five awkward minutes of knowing someone. Don’t do it is the advice, none of your business.
2. Really, don’t you want a child?
It makes you the absolute odd one out that’s walking around. And I am such an absolute odd one. Just read here how my missing desire for children came about. Are you ready? This is the range of questions I got thrown at me. Is something already rattling? And when are you starting? Is it already tingling? Fun, right (when you stare anxiously at the crying kid of an acquaintance – no, not fun)? With the punchline: noooooooooo? Including a long exhale and an open mouth. And I bring that upon myself, I know. But how fresh would it be if the next one says: but you surely don’t want a child? Ha, sounds nice to me.
3. So, when is the second coming?
As if you can’t just take your time getting used to all the diapers, burp cloths, and talcum powder of number one. Goodness, do you have to again. Come on, that bed for round number two. And ooh, those faces when you share that one little child makes your life more than complete. Then you’re messing with the accepted image of dad, mom, and two kiddos. Consider yourself warned.
‘but how can that be, because you’re so nice’
4. Aren’t you getting married?
May is super happy with her beloved. Really, we see it up close. But so not married. People have opinions about that. A little dress, a wedding cake with three tiers, something blue: you have to get married. Or just not. I vote for not caring about it at all and definitely not asking.
5. Haven’t you had enough?
I’m in my national eating week. Shamelessly binging at the station, I passed by that the day before yesterday. I have no clue in which fat those fries, coffee cake, and bottle of wine are hiding, but I’m afraid they’ll drop their camouflage next week. And when I had my birthday, I took a hefty drink at that party, as one should. But then someone says: haven’t you had enough yet? Uuuh, waddafuck? Even if I spread my bread from here to Tokyo or drink wine until I mix up my left and right foot, that’s up to me. Look, if I start using embarrassing language, then you should drag me away and especially not ask questions (thanks in advance).
6. Actually all questions about how and what you eat
To the vegetarian if they eat fish. To the omnivore if they know how animals are slaughtered. To the minimal eater if they’re not going to starve. To the dieting ladies if this diet actually works (really, absurdly demotivating).
7. For all your financial questions…
Stay comfortably within your squad. Only your very best friends can be subjected to a financial interrogation. I’m a disaster with bills and euros, so I sprint out of the conversation zone as soon as someone starts talking about my bank balance. But if you do discuss the money issue: do it with care. You never know in which debit-credit matter you’re sticking your nose. And it always feels a bit awkward for a reason, that’s just how it is. A good thing to consider before you ask someone what such a job pays per month.
