Fun & Famous

AND NOW: THE ALTERNATIVE OSCAR AWARDS SHOW

It is of course extremely superficial to only talk about people's appearances. But let's not kid ourselves; secretly we are mainly interested in what the person is wearing on such a red carpet. And since a lot of time and effort goes into such an appearance, I am sharing my own awards just like in previous years. Here we go.

The From-Top-To-Toe-Perfect-Award

This one goes to Cate Blanchett, my ultimate favorite, in a masterpiece by Armani Privé. I read on other sites that some find the appliqués on the dress a bit much, but I think they are beautiful. The dress fits perfectly, her slender figure is more beautiful than ever, and the color complements her fair skin beautifully. And we haven't even talked about the insane Tiffany & Co. jewelry that accentuates the length of her neck and makes the dress even more elegant than it already is. I am extremely in love with this look.

The Time-For-A-Different-Sponsor-Award

Yes, this one goes to Jennifer Lawrence. She always wears Dior at major events and this time is no different. But you know, I'm never really impressed. This dress is just kind of meh. A bit too gothic, a bit too sheer, a bit too little support for the boobies, just all not quite right. The makeup, the hair, and the subtle jewelry make me fall asleep. I don't know, Dior and Jennifer, it just doesn't do much for me.

The This-Is-Not-Fun-For-Anyone-Award

Kate Kate Kate, what went wrong. Ms. Winslet wore some kind of shiny strapless sack, made from a fabric they also like to use at C&A. Ralph Lauren stitched the creation together, but maybe he forgot that there are quite a few flashlights on a red carpet, causing the thing to light up like a Christmas tree. The dress is too long, particularly unflattering, and my god, how it shines ugly.

The Prada-Can-So-It-Can-Award

It doesn't happen often that I find a look from Prada beautiful on the red carpet. The house is so incredibly unsexy, often just a bit too conceptual for a nice picture and I don't know, it often doesn't work. But there was Emily Blunt, pregnant, in Prada, and I loved it. Baby pink in color with shiny silver appliqués all over, a nice strap over the shoulders and a train at the back. 10 champagne glasses, I tell you.

The My-God-Come-Up-With-Something-New-Award

Oooh Sofia Vergara, you are so beautiful, but so maddeningly boring when it comes to your looks. It's literally always the same song: a fitted figure-hugging strapless dress with a huge décolleté. Gorgeous? Yes, really. Dead boring? Oh definitely. Never change a winning team, you would say, but this is starting to get out of hand in terms of monotony.

The I-Can't-Believe-What-I'm-Seing-But-It-Doesn't-Surprise-Me-Anymore-Award

Heidi Klum is a master at ridiculous outfits on the red carpet. It always works very well during her famous Halloween parties, but she carries that vibe through to other events as well. Again now. A lilac thing with flowers and cut-outs and a long puff sleeve and another flower and a train – all made of tulle. Really, does this woman not have a mirror? Does she get dressed in the dark? Trouble with stubborn poop in her eyes? No one knows.

The Most-Misplaced-Clutch-Award

Margot Robbie's golden Tom Ford dress is just a bit too long, but otherwise picture-perfect. But what is that big crazy black clutch doing there?! Really such a shame. This could have been one of my favorite looks, but now I only see that big black thing and think the only one who is happy with it will be Stephen Hawking, due to his love for black holes.

The Just-Don't-Award

Kerry Washington. We need to talk. I have become a big fan of yours thanks to your role in Scandal, but you can't be serious about this. Are you a gladiator? Or the Virgin Mary in a white skirt? And what are those silly pumps doing underneath? And that weird tuft of hair on your head? Taking risks is fun (take note, Sofia Vergara?), but please discuss those kinds of things with a stylist. One with taste, please. Thank you kindly. Don't do that again.