Fun & Famous

Bra-boob-trouble

In group eight (yes, eight) I was already blessed with a B cup. In group seven, I was still jumping around in a non-underwired floral top from Hema, but suddenly I had to start supporting the whole thing. And it went from a, b, c, d, e, f, g, my facade has had its share of the alphabet over the years. Look, it's a plus point (or two), but buying bras is pure harassment. Nine times out of ten, I'm blinking my eyes at a bra. Wait, what? Does that fit me? The word 'bra'tje is really an understatement. A BEEEHAAA, that's what it is. So huge that that cup would do just fine as a little hat.

And I always think that the contraption is way too big, not. I just ordered a Wonderbra at Bijenkorf (yes, I want strapless too), and it didn't come in an envelope but in a box. A whole box just for my new bra. And that postman was so happy to ask for my signature, he had no idea. But that Wonderbra, huh? Holy guacamole, what a construction, that's just an ingenious piece of architecture. I now know how the ladies with corsets felt in the medieval era, but strapless it is, you know. And the wonder has its own little spot in my closet. Necessarily, because my lingerie department is too small for that violence.

Normally, I run out the door waving my credit card when I go shopping, but I don't do that for bras. Do you remember when I talked about that all-destroying light in the fitting room? That combined with lingerie is NOT pretty, dear everyone. But now I heard a top stylist shouting last week: ‘Some women only buy three bras a year, three.’ Of course, I nodded and hummed, because yes, that's just scandalous. Who does that? I do. Why? Because buying bras of a certain size is just not that fun AND they cost just as much as that lovely jacket that you DO see. May was holding a lace little something at the cutest store last week. But if you put something like that on me, then you get nipplegate all over the place. And I haven't even mentioned the support, because you need to support. Bra off and sweats on I don't do. It can theoretically happen, but when that postman is at the door again, I have to hold them with my left hand, sign with my right, and WHERE am I supposed to grab my package? Exactly, God doesn't support everything.

Don't get me wrong, I love them. Even though a blouse with snap buttons is terror. Yes, try to close that button unseen, with one hand, in a meeting after a slightly too enthusiastic hugging session. It's a hell of a job. But hey, that V-neck looks phenomenal, just like the dresses from Diane von Fürstenberg. And the conversation material you get from them, sometimes someone even talks to them all evening. I'm just saying, that deserves more than a bra or three. Especially if you go out with her seven days a week. So I'm convinced, from now on I will only buy bras. You too? It hasn't been my favorite department when shopping until now, but because of that, I have made a list with dizzying precision where it fits well. And I gladly share those online (trying on at home is the bomb) and offline addresses with all my busty friends.

1. At the top is Bijenkorf, with some impressive plus points. I'm not one for ‘name dropping’, but I have to mention Chantelle, Passionata, Marie Jo, and Wonderbra. Bijenkorf rocks online, but also in real life.

2. Another nice online gem is Farfallina.nl. Are you petite in size but have a serious cup size? This is your address. And did I mention they sell Cyell swimwear? Hop, hop, hop, to that shop.

3. When in Breda, you go to Naron. If I don't want to spend a fortune on my bra, I just pop in here. At this address, I discovered that my size needed to be smaller and the cup larger, always good news. Naron also has an impressive collection from Freya, the blockbuster for large breasts. And at the lamp in the fitting room, you don't shrink.

4. At Annadiva.nl, you get online advice that is top-notch. Small, large, uneven, a bit looser; they have something suitable for every type of breast. Yes, also for the more acceptable sizes under the cups. But the best part is the page with luxury lingerie. No headgear-like scenes, but lace and embroidery and bows and patterns. Wait, I need to grab my debit card.