Fun & Famous

The phrase every woman needs to hear

It starts when you are six years old. What you want to be when you grow up. Ten years later, the question of how many children you would want (the ‘or-question’ is usually not asked at all) is added, and from then on the free fire is open.

When you are getting married, whether you shouldn't even leave town, when the next child is due, whether they are already in piano lessons. It obviously comes from deep interest, but I (and I can't help feeling with me many other women) have felt it as a high pressure for years.

You have studied so you have to do something with that. A horizontal career would be too little, it all has to go up in a straight line. Women can do a lot and want to do everything well. AND that good job and sending your children to school in the most original dresses, AND jumping in at school and doing fun things with your lover and oh yes, of course Drinking cocktails with girlfriends. (or holding their hair when hanging over the pot...). Totally forget about exercising. Because it all has to stay in place a bit too.

I also try to combine everything, but know that I cave in on my girlfriends. Fortunately, they are in the same situation and we always get right into the old level as soon as we speak. Even if there has been six months in between. Luckily, I work with the nicest women so my dose of women among themselves is replenished every day.

Sports I really want to do, but I don't get much further than one hour of yoga a week. And even that one hour quickly falls through when I have to plan a meeting for which there is no room at any other time. And oh yes, I would like to cook, elaborate casseroles and casually put something from the latest Ottolenghi on the table every week, but it comes down to a spaghetti à la vongole or melanzane à la parmigiana. And if I'm honest, I'll tell you now that's once every fortnight at most.

People sometimes ask me how I do it all, and that question makes me a little uncomfortable. Because in other words, I don't do it all. I mainly ‘do’ work and family. I can't do otherwise, but I always feel like I'm missing out. Because girlfriends, cooking classes, interior design, sports; that has to be done too.

Until I had two enlightening moments this week. The first was when I spoke to a former colleague who is now not an editor-in-chief but a chef. “You know May, I'm fine with it. I used to always want more, more, more and career, but what does it get me? A few hundred euros more a month, a lot of stress and being at work seven days a week. I'm fine with this.”

The other was when I saw one interview with lawyer Mirjam de Blécourt, partner of Baker & McKenzie. She was also asked The Question. How she did it all and how you can have it all. “So you can't.” Clear answer. “You have to make choices. With me that was sports, so that can't be in my schedule. And I only have one best friend.”

Of course, I could have thought of this myself (stronger; I actually already did), but for this woman to name it so clearly was such a relief. I immediately felt kilos lighter. And that, though virtual, is always a nice feeling. Even when you want to let go of everything.