Fun & Famous

DO YOU EVER FEEL LIKE A FRAUD?

I can still hear her saying it over the phone. “Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t be in this workplace. That I could fall through the cracks at any moment or something. Don’t you ever feel that way?” Those are my favorite evenings. Smoking a cigarette by the window with a cup of tea, discussing the meaning and nonsense of life. “Well, apparently a lot of women struggle with that. I do sometimes too,” I say to her.

I fear it also has to do with the Quarter Life Crisis (QLC). If you’re thinking: what the hell is that? It’s that typical Western luxury problem where you suddenly seem to create a real identity crisis between your 22nd and 35th year of life. I wrote a here detailed article about it. You have uncertainty about who you are and what you want in life, and that manifests in all sorts of crazy stuff like insecurity, disappointment, loneliness, choice stress, and questions like: Who do I want to be? What do I want to do? Where do I want to live? What do I want most deeply in my heart? Why am I suddenly doubting everything? I can tell you: the QLC is a bitch.

‘It boils down to the fact that many women, regardless of their success, do not believe in themselves’

But may I introduce you to an even worse bitch? Named the impostor syndrome, a.k.a. the fraud syndrome. It’s a typical female phenomenon that quite a few of my female peers struggle with, including me. What it means? It boils down to the fact that many women, regardless of their success, do not believe in themselves. Deep down, they think they can’t really do anything. Or not good enough. They are just waiting for the moment they fall through the cracks.

Do you know how sad this sounds when I write this down? I am indeed really happy with this most wonderful job on earth, and I do believe I deserve this, because I have worked my ass off in recent years. I even had intervention evenings with friends who thought I was too focused on work – and too little on them. Meine gute, then you feel like a cool cucumber, I can tell you. Not relaxed. The paradox of this whole messed-up situation: the harder I started running at work, the more perfectionist I became, the more I felt like a ‘fraud’. Just, suddenly, out of nowhere. Although it seems that women with a lot of responsibility are extra quick to suffer from impostor syndrome. Also women in top positions at Google. Maybe our big friend Hillary Clinton also has some deep-seated insecurity that you and I know nothing about.

‘And that insecurity? Fuck that insecurity.’

But well, that insecurity really makes me a bit knerrie. And maybe it does for you too, so this has to stop because it’s too unnecessary for words. Achieved successes MUST be celebrated. If something good happens at work, then you surely have SOMETHING to do with it. You DO deserve that job you work your ass off for every day. And that insecurity? Fuck that insecurity, man. Totally based on hot air, especially in this Instagram comparison world. Be a little kind to yourself. Have a nice glass of wine tonight. For yourself. Or for Hillary. Just because it’s Tuesday. Does this little fraud do that too.