Happy & Healthy

HELP. I'M IN A QUARTER-LIFE CRISIS

Let me grab the problem by the horns right away. Something is going on at this age. I feel different. I have no idea what I really want, suddenly I'm insecure about the most random shit, more down than before, and making choices turns out to be a thing. What do I WANT with my life?

Recognizable? Welcome to the Quarter Life Crisis (QLC). Yep, the little sister of the Midlife Crisis.

Two weeks ago, I was on the phone with one of my best friends. “I don't know what's wrong with me, but I think I'm going crazy,” I said to her. “What do you mean?” “I think I'm worse at everything. Or at least worse than others.” “But you're doing great, right?” she replied. “Yeah, that's what everyone thinks, but secretly I'm afraid that one day everyone will find out that I'm living like Mike Ross. I'm a fraud.” (Check this even if you don't know who Mike Ross is.) “Shut up, you're not a fraud. You're just insecure.”

‘This is truly the best job I've had so far. So why not happy? So why not sure?’

We chatted for at least three hours that evening. She recognized the problem, had talked about it with other friends before. Everyone reaches a point in their life where they think: is this it? I'm at that point now. I've always been early with everything. I cried at eleven as the first girl in class to get my period. We thought it was gross. I got breasts first and thus a bra. Drama. I experimented in my puberty with sex, drugs, and all the other stuff that came with it until I was done with that. That was around my sixteenth. After that, I focused on school. I was going to follow a journalistic study, hoping for a cool job at a trendy fashion magazine or something like that. Towards the end of my studies, I was offered a job at NU.nl. Study on hold and going for that career was the motto. Then I got to work at LINDAnieuws. Several cool freelance jobs came my way, I worked my ass off for two years, and just when I decided to step out of ‘hard news journalism’, Amayzine came my way. Truly the best job I've had so far. So why not happy? So why insecure? Because I have a QLC squared. That's why not.

Further, it's not a serious condition (many of you might recognize this), but it's strange. Somehow, I'm suddenly ten times more ‘aware’ of myself. And from that awareness, I get stressed and insecure. There are still so many things I want to do. Something with seeing the world, something with starting yoga, something with reading books, and something with eating healthy. And somehow, none of it seems to work, and I seem to have chronic time shortage and it seems like my life is sometimes getting away from me because of that. I fill my free time with things that seem ‘important’, but in hindsight, they seem to be the biggest enemy of my me-time.

‘Who do I want to be? What do I want to do? Where do I want to live? What do I want deep in my heart?’

Well, that Quarter Life Crisis seems to be a real issue for many young people. Forget the thirties dilemma, most young people feel a bit like a ‘weirdo’ much earlier. I recently read in a large-scale study by Cosmopolitan that 49 percent of women suffer from chronic fatigue. 1 in 3 women lie awake from stress every week. Young people as young as 19 (!) sit at the table on Pauw to talk about burnout. Seriously? Why do we have this? I look up what this crisis entails. The QLC arises somewhere between your 22nd and 35th year of life and is a typical Western ‘luxury problem’. Definitions vary from a real identity crisis stemming from uncertainty about who you are and what you want in life to a phenomenon characterized by insecurity, disappointment, loneliness, choice stress, and depression. We can all stick our heads in the sand, but this needs to be talked about because I find it quite intense.

The panic sometimes grabs Generation Y kids by the throat (read here and here my most personal stories ever about my panic attacks), you cry as if the world is about to collapse, and in the end, it turns out to be not so bad, but the questions remain. Who do I want to be? What do I want to do? Where do I want to live? What do I want deep in my heart? Do I want to go all out for that career at any cost? Do I want children or not? What the fuck am I going to eat again tonight? Why do others seem to have it all together? Do I need to post something on Instagram again because it's been too long? Why can't I make decisions? What does my fellow human think of me? What do I actually think of myself? Why am I suddenly insecure? Do I want to wear yellow or blue heels today? Choice stress. And so I fall from one luxury problem into another and seem to be stuck in a vicious circle.

WHY AM I DOING THIS?

A small ray of hope at the end of the tunnel: it seems to go away. The QLC lasts on average half a year to a year and a half (HA, THERE IS HOPE). Sometimes simply recognizing the problem can be part of the solution (HA, I HAVE RECOGNIZED IT). Take the time to discover what energizes you, what your motivations are, what you find important. And just think: if Britney Spears survived 2007 (bald phase), then I’m sure you can handle your Quarter Life Crisis. Good luck, friends.