Guilty Pleasures

Kalinka Hählen

When Lies spread her wings, two names came to mind. Renske and Kalinka. Because they prove that being particularly smart, witty, and well-dressed can make a great pair. Since I suspect that Kalinka has some secret pleasures, I slid our favorite questionnaire under her nose. Immediately, a peculiarity came to light; she doesn't want to be photographed. But I can tell you, she is at least as fun as you think she is.

What is your most used excuse?

‘My monthly excuse, as my guy calls it. Ergo: menstruation, so overall malaise. Often true, but also easy to use when I don't feel like doing something. But generally, I just say ‘no’ if I don't want to do something.’

Which movie, TV show, or series makes you cry every time?

‘Oh, I once cried when the Terminator sank into a pool of molten metal and, as a farewell, he gave a final thumbs up. At home, at the slightest hint of crying, a thumb is raised at me. By both my husband and daughter. Anyway, I cry at just about everything. But hey, that's called empathy, you know, people.’

Your ultimate guilty pleasure?

‘Pleasures are there to enjoy. I'm not going to tarnish that with guilt. Really, that thought has made a lot of people incredibly unhappy. Yes, I like to cut out pictures of koalas. In broad daylight. And? So?’

What bad music do you secretly enjoy?

‘From eighties disco and swooning soul, from Shakatak and Milli Vanilli to Barry White and songs by Betty Wright. By the way, I don't think that's bad music at all. It might be corny, but it's well put together. Secretly maybe, because I love music with much more heft: roaring guitars, heavy bass, and someone who sings or raps their heart out. And that goes for women too.’

What is your secret hobby?

‘I still need to have a secret hobby! Who gives me a hint?’

And your strangest trait?

‘I still need to have a strange trait! Who gives me one?’

Do you have an obsession?

‘I have many, although they are all in my head. The control room there likes to have everything a bit – completely – mapped out before any step is taken. Exhausting, yes. But less than turning the key six times to make sure the door is really locked.’

What would people really not expect from you?

‘I would say: that I am very sweet. That's what I hear most often, and that's because I naturally have a Spanish Inquisition head. I look like that fierce, stern hawk reading the news on The Muppet Show.’

What is your biggest pointless irritation?

‘People who run red lights, so I can't take my green. I know, I'm making a logical error: it's not my green. Well, you don't have to die in Amsterdam for stopping at red. Everyone wants to go first, up front and through – racing hard. Grrrr.’

And in terms of food? What do you secretly eat on the couch in the evening that you really shouldn't be doing?

‘I eat everything on the couch. And I really shouldn't be doing that, because it's a crumb war there. Chips were winning, but the bits of melted chocolate are making a hostile advance.’

Which word do you actually use just a little too often?

‘Well: too, too… I like to use the word ‘cunt’ because it sounds so terribly nice. Cunt can be used affectionately, but it also curses beautifully as a prefix. Cunt is cool. I'll say it a few more times, that will strengthen everyone's conviction that cunt is just a wonderful word that you can't say often enough!’