Happy & Healthy

DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE A BIG DECISION?

This helps

There is something I have found terribly difficult my whole life, and that is making big decisions. Whether or not to sell my house, whether or not to start a second study, whether or not to look for another job, whether or not to freelance, whether or not to have children, whether or not to break up with my boyfriend. Hours, days, weeks, months, quarters, years – sorry, I’ll stop already – I can be busy with such a decision. Complete with panic attacks and vomiting fits. Because I certainly don’t want to make the wrong decision, disappoint anyone, make anyone angry, dupe anyone, do anyone wrong. My god, that would be a disaster! That would be really bad! I would collapse! Everything would collapse! I would collapse! Ready for the slaughter, that kind of thing.
Yet you could say that I have become (reasonably) wise through trial and error over the past few years. Here are my 8 most important lessons.

Lesson 1: making the right decision is secretly quite a farce

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life, it’s that you only know if you made the right decision once you’ve already made it. Yes, that’s deep, isn’t it? But it’s true. You simply cannot know how you will feel about things later. How things will turn out later. There are always unforeseen circumstances or twists. That’s why my most important tip is: you make a decision that feels best at the moment. And unfortunately, you just won’t know if it still feels good later. You only find that out later. You have to experience it.

Lesson 2: it’s okay to be afraid of the consequences of a decision

This is a continuation of the previous point: it’s okay to be afraid of what’s to come. Embrace that shit! Making a decision is simply a big thing. There are always emotions, and emotions are part of being human. Try not to suppress emotions, try not to deny that you find it intense, you’ll only end up doing weird things. I won’t tell you what kind of weird things, but really weird things.

Lesson 3: don’t ask a hundred people for advice

My goodness, I was (and am) really good at this. I always ask a hundred people for advice. That everyone goes CRAZY from me. Like: there she is again with her panic attack. But what I’ve found is that all that asking around only makes me crazier and more panicky. Really completely wacko. Even wackier than I already am. And that’s already pretty wacko, you know. Anyway, I often can’t see the forest for the trees from all that asking around, and that while I’m actually looking for clarity. A bit unfortunate.

Lesson 4: look at it from a distance

Sometimes you’re just too much in your own way. It helps me to pretend I’m a good friend to myself. A bit weird, I know, but it works like a charm. Your friend sees the situation from different perspectives. It allows you to look at a situation without bias.

Embrace that shit! Making a decision is simply a big thing.

Lesson 5: sleep on it for a night

An oldie but a goodie! But it really works. To explain why, I need to talk about snacks and junk food for a moment. Sorry. How it works? Well: when you’re not thinking and are in a hurry and on autopilot, you reach for fries with mayo faster instead of a healthy meal. Or you take a croquette sandwich. Or a special frikandel. Or a bear bite. Or a kapsalon. It works the same way with making a decision too quickly: before you know it, you don’t see it all clearly and do something silly. Sleep on it for a night and listen to your feelings at the moment you just wake up.

Lesson 6: no decision is also a decision

Sometimes you just don’t know. And after hours of worrying, you still don’t know. Don’t punish yourself: NO decision can sometimes also be a decision. For a while, I hesitated about whether I should leave a certain employer. But I just couldn’t figure it out. Eventually, I put it on the back burner. And after about eight weeks, circumstances naturally brought to the surface what I had to do (leave, that is).

Lesson 7: make it clear

A bit weird to mention this as the second to last, but it’s super important that you FIRST write down for yourself why you need to make a certain decision at all. Make it clear. Write down in a few short sentences what the decision is and why you need to make it. Believe me, it really helps when you see your own (in my case: poetic) words on paper.

Lesson 8: fuck fear of the unknown

Very, very important. I have chosen the safe path multiple times because I was afraid of the big unknown. For example, I once said yes to a job that felt safe and straightforward, while at that moment another job was being offered that seemed more fun to me, but was much scarier (they expected much more from me content-wise). It became quite a huge situation: I started at the safe job, but eventually, my feelings caught up with me. I quit within a few weeks, to the great shock and disappointment of my supervisor. Not exactly the most relaxing period of my life. Ouch.
Well, that was it. But it remains difficult. Oh so difficult. Just know that you are not alone: we all find ourselves at a crossroads every now and then. In the end, you just have to choose a path, with the reassuring knowledge that there will always be another crossroads.
Yes, he is right about that crossroads, I know.