Fun & Famous
PERfecte mannen bestaan niet
Gee, I'm really making myself loved with my contributions to Amayzine. In my story about my damn quick pregnancy, I mentioned something about friends who are twiddling their thumbs waiting for a handsome knight. And that didn't sit well. To refresh your memory (or to clarify if you haven't read it – which you really should have), I'll quote: I see plenty of friends who keep dreaming of a perfect prince, while their fertile years fly by and they never see their wish for children come true.
I won't repeat word for word what I had to say in response to this rather dry and factually correct observation in my eyes, but the fact that it would hurt was not a question, but a given. I think it's sad that some ladies in my circle of friends felt so hurt, although I did wonder afterwards if I found their anger entirely justified.
”Not only is the list of points a man should meet endless”
Uh, no, I concluded after a while. The subject had already come up several times in light lunch conversations and overly emotional alcohol-infused evenings, and I have never made a secret of the fact that I think some friends have an overly strained expectation of relationships in general and of men in particular. Not only is the list of points a man should meet endless, their whole idea of what a relationship should look like is a grand romantic mash-up of beautiful captivating movie scenes from epic love dramas (yes, Sleepless in Seattle counts in that category), sparkling sharp observations from über-single Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City, and dreamy Cinderella stories.
But come on, get real: how many couples do you know where it's all roses and sunshine, who are entangled in an eternal courtship dance where he brings in limousines and champagne as if there’s no tomorrow? Which man frequently arranges romantic mini-breaks and showers you with gold and perfumes? And for that matter: which woman does that? A relationship is hard work, no matter how smoothly it goes. Sure, in the beginning, when you're in love, it's all powerful and beautiful because everyone puts their best foot forward. But when that foot rests in place, suddenly there are dirty socks in places you least expect, and someone claims barking that he has NO MORNING MOOD, while the bowl of cereal that gets knocked off the table to emphasize his statement suggests something else. Then you can drop out and go with the next guy who lures you into a web of deception, but you can't do that either.
”Most men are not blood attentive, most women are not the admirers they pretend to be”
You know, sooner or later, there’s something to criticize about everyone. Most men are not blood attentive, most women are not the admirers they pretend to be. Ultimately, it’s about whether you think the same about big themes in life. You’re better off arguing about who does the dishes than about which church you attend and whether or not you want children. Can you live with someone on a daily basis? Do you still find someone tolerable after six weeks of camping? And can you also be yourself with someone on lesser days? That’s what it’s about in a relationship, in my opinion.
And I think you don’t need a prince who meets your long list of requirements for that. A nice guy who makes you feel good and has some rough edges: fantastic, right? Or do you sometimes want to claim that you are perfect yourself? No one has to settle for ‘less’, whatever that may mean, but maybe it’s helpful to adjust dreams to a more realistic level. Waiting for a dream prince is believing in fairy tales. And honestly: who still does that?
Written by: Kalinka Hählen
