Happy & Healthy
THE 5 PRIMAL TYPES OF HANDSHAKES
The sticky, the wet, and the pincher
You certainly do it a few times a day. You introduce yourself and you shake hands. You can reasonably assume that the other person does this with some regularity too, but it doesn't often happen that you think: hey, that was nice. While the handshake is one of the most determining factors in the first impression. Let me go through the types with you.
1. The sticky
Once, I received a handshake from a rather famous journalist whose name I cannot mention (okay, it was Pieter Storms) who gave me a hand that I expected from an 80-year-old lady who applies hand cream multiple times a day. Such a soft, creamy hand that seemed afraid to be crushed during a real handshake.
2. The wet
Look, there’s really not much you can do about that, except wipe your hand before you extend it. Here’s a rather hilarious anecdote from a friend of mine. She was at a journalist gathering where Queen Máxima (Máxima, Máxima) was present. Máxima would treat everyone to a few words and a royal handshake, but took her time at each table. My friend saw that Máxima was still a few tables away and decided to grab three beers (because women with guts drink beer). She had plenty of time for that, and in the meantime, they had gotten quite thirsty. Anyway. It was busy at the bar, and apparently, Máxima had suddenly stepped on the gas when my friend, with three beers with frothy tops, walked over. There stood the queen. And my friend had to go through the deep path of shame, wiped her hand along the side of her pants, and gave Her Majesty the Queen a beer-soaked hand.
”Look, there’s really not much you can do about that”
3. The I-want-to-be-on-top
Mainly men do this. You give a handshake where you meet in the middle, the man gives a little squeeze and then turns your hand downwards so that he is ‘on top’. And being on top means power. In this case, there are two options. 1: you push back and turn your hand back, ensuring that you are just a bit on top again. There are two downsides to this, 1: it requires quite a bit of physical strength and 2: the chance that you will start to like each other is immediately gone. My friend once did this when meeting her father-in-law, and it will be no surprise that those two did not become besties. The second and better option is to look at the man in question as seductively as possible, hold his hand, and then place your hand on his shoulder. This way, you place yourself hierarchically above him again. Just look at Obama, he always does a handshake first and then, oh so friendly but in the meantime, puts a hand on the other person's shoulder. Hey, there’s a third option! You place your left hand on the other side of his hand. You essentially make a sandwich of his hand. All sweet and sugary soft. But in the meantime, you are the boss.
4. No handshake
There are people who do not want to shake hands. Fortunately, our Máxima still engages in an old-fashioned handshake, but often when you meet people of royal descent, you are whispered beforehand that you do not shake hands. Probably because they go completely crazy from the thousands of hands they have to shake, but admit it, it is quite unfriendly.
5. This is how it should be
The ideal handshake comes from a freshly washed, slightly firm hand. You meet each other neatly halfway, give a little squeeze as a sign of I-am-consciously-in-this-moment, look the person you are shaking hands with in the eye, and only then let go. Not so difficult, right? The good news is that you can practice every day.
