Happy & Healthy

The ultimate #lifehack is the word no

So I've been saying ‘yes’ my whole life. Because I don't want to disappoint anyone. I want people to like me. And to be helpful. And cool. And fun. And strong. And good-looking. And interesting. And well-dressed. But I don't think that has anything to do with it. Anyways, it's mostly about wanting to be liked. And I would do anything for that. I would rather pass myself by at 1000 kilometers per hour than say ‘no’. Just imagine if people didn't like me? Just imagine if people thought: nah, that Rènske, what a stupid kid. Then a one-way ticket to an open window would be the only solution, right?

Here, a wild selection of the times I said ‘yes’ when I meant ‘no’ PLUS the miserable consequences this had.

Saying YES to your boss while meaning NO: I worked over 40 hours a week for more than two years because I thought my boss would get into trouble otherwise. In terms of workload, you know. And that while I originally had a contract for four days, which wasn't a problem in principle. Anyway, I convinced myself that I could work five days a week, and that no one had ever died from working hard and that the money was quite nice given a high standard of living, blah blah. Result: I became extremely unhappy, felt totally chained, unfree. Eventually, I even became slightly overstressed, which meant I had to come clean. And oh, he actually thought it was good of me to stand up for myself and went to solve it with an intern. Like, wtf.

”Saying ”YES' to that vague but pushy friend while meaning 'NO'

Saying YES to your colleague while meaning NO: it has happened regularly that on Friday afternoon (in some sort of over-the-top positive weekend vibe) I decided to help a colleague with an ‘acute’ and ‘mega serious’ problem, while I also had piles of work myself.

Result: the colleague happily runs out the door at half past five, and who is still toiling away until 8 PM while the cleaners are already busy mopping around? INDEED.

Saying YES to that vague but pushy friend while meaning NO: yes, no, of course, I will bike all the way to the other end of the city while I am heavily pregnant because you are super busy. If the contractions start while biking, that's not a problem at all! I'll just give birth on the sidewalk because you're so busy, right? And of course, I'll pick up some groceries for you!

Result: massive stress, huge annoyance, and exhaustion exhaustion exhaustion (that had to be said three times because it was that bad) and I also never got the money for the groceries back, I realize now.

And so there are countless things to think of where I have chanted ‘yes’, ignoring my feelings, simply because saying ‘no’ was not an option. But now people, but now. I am just too old for this. I have done it too often. Too often bumped my head. Too often ignored my feelings. Too often stayed awake due to a panic attack. Moreover, I recently had a significant wake-up call in the form of skin cancer. And I tell you: when ‘the knife’ suddenly points ‘your way’, you get quite a shock. Then you suddenly realize that life is way too short to live the life of others. Admittedly, it remains difficult. And it's a bit of a grind. But you really get a lot in return (don't puke, people!) Freedom. Air. Relaxation. And not to forget: control over your own life. And that is a great good.