Fun & Famous

THE VALLEY ORGASM

It's time for some sexual education. I want to update you on the valley orgasm. That's right, the valley orgasm. You probably know about the clitoral and vaginal orgasms by now. At least ‘by hearsay’, but hopefully for you also just because it came up during the practical lesson. And Simone recently updated you on the coregasm, or the orgasm that can suddenly come over you in the gym.

But now there is the valley orgasm that is on the rise. This orgasm is actually the answer to all your questions, the cure for all your ailments with a deep and prolonged orgasm as the cherry on top of the already swirling firework. If you master the valley orgasm well, you will become more vital. Moreover, your menstrual pains will decrease and any menopausal symptoms will significantly diminish. The valley orgasm is so beloved in certain circles that a true foundation has been established to promote, you can feel it coming, the valley orgasm.

If all women would frequently ‘valley’, how beautiful would the world look? We think our peak orgasm is quite something, but we ain't seen nothing yet. I watched a video of one of the women behind the valley promotion where she depicts the peak orgasm with a little flag. You climb the mountain and then one, two, three, you're at the top and it's over again. I don't know about you, but so far I have no complaints about the peak orgasm. Frankly, it seems quite inconvenient and time-consuming if an orgasm lasts fifteen minutes. It suddenly becomes very complicated if your child unexpectedly walks into the room. Or if the dog is staring at you from the edge of the bed until you finally finish.

“We think our
peak orgasm is quite something, but
we ain't seen nothing yet.”

But according to the orgasm professors, our life in the valley will never be the same as it was before. And to spread the holy word, they have appointed an ambassador. A person who will elevate our sexual experience to great heights and widths.

Who is it? I hear you thinking? Is it Dave Roelvink visiting offices and smoothly removing the bras of all the women present? Is it Ryan Gosling visiting community centers and nibbling at our toes? Is it perhaps George Clooney who has inhaled some erotic phrases and whispers them into our ears via WhatsApp voice message?

No, dearest friends of the show, it's better than you could ever imagine. This surpasses any erotic dream or sensual fantasy. Rapapapa... drumroll... uncork the champagne, unclip the bra and ditch your panties... The new ambassador of the association for the promotion of the valley orgasm is Mathilde Santing.

I believe I don't need that for a while. Then just a little menstrual pain and a bit less vitality.