Fun & Famous

WHY DO MEN SEND DICK PICS?

by Kalinka Hählen

Tollieselfies, dickpics, penis pictures: hugely in vogue. The Netherlands' television innocence Humberto Tan understood very little about it yesterday on RTL Late Night. Why would you treat others to photos of your battle-ready lance? Well, Humberto, listen, for example because:

1. You think your dick is God's gift to women.

2. You believe everyone has the right to that treat.

3. You think the love your member spreads is worth sharing.

4. You also think it's cool that your penis is a gift that keeps on giving.

5. Deep down you know that ibuprofen comes out of your dick that cures ladies of their headaches for good.

6. You like to leave a deep first impression.

7. You prefer to approach open applications for horizontal activities pragmatically.

8. You secretly find it quite sexy that the viewers at home might be shocked.

9. You think people would also like to see your other little face.

10. You like to present yourself as macho and hopefully a bit intimidating.

“Why would you treat others to photos of your battle-ready lance?”

11. You think your other self looks eye-catching.

12. You think the sun is finally breaking through the clouds for that fading girl.

13. You believe that the favor must now be returned with a vagina photo.

14. You think a tollieselfie is the same as a flirty wink.

15. You are used to handing out business cards.

16. You think you are being considerate.

17. You don't quite realize that you are not the only one sending such a picture, and that you might not even win any prizes when cherry-picking.

18. You have no idea that your little mushroom might look very silly next to your neighbor's gigantic pleasure stick.

19. You hadn't thought that those mean girls would be laughing their heads off while letting their entire circle of friends enjoy that ‘charming’ nod in your knob.

20. You truly don't realize that the little dick attached to the pic is many times larger.

21. It never crossed your mind that you are now just as much of a dirty flasher – albeit a modern one – as the one your mother always warned you about.

Silly you.