Amayzine

10 things you think when you step onto the train in this scorching heat

Look, typing at the office today? That just about worked. But the idea that I have to get on that train again in two hours? With a sweaty thigh on the left and a sweat patch on the right? Now, that sucks. And that's why this is for all my train buddies. For all the millions of unfortunate souls in the Netherlands who don't work in their hometown. Because we know: the life of a train passenger is hell with this sweaty weather. This is what goes through your mind during a simple ride:

  1. No, this is a joke. They can't really transport us like this. Not really, right? I'm a human, I have rights, right? I pay for this. WHY is it so warm here? Yesterday it was like a freezer. Is there such a thing as a middle button or something?
  2. Oh my god, I have to sit with my bare legs on those dirty, fuzzy, itchy seats. Do I really want this? Is a taxi still an option? Private driver? Anyone?
  3. How many people must have sweated on this same seat? EWWW.
  4. I don't know what a hot flash feels like, but I have the feeling this is pretty close. Oh great, the sweat droplets are now also on my back. But hey, at least I'm sitting. A little extreme sympathy for the peeps being tossed back and forth in a middle carriage in thirty degrees. It can always be worse.
  5. Does my neighbor have deodorant? Why are there always just a bit too many of those optimistic types on the train? Can't we come up with something that makes the conductor do a deodorant test along with the check-in? Not fresh = 33 euros? Seems like a crazy idea to me.
  6. The same fine applies to people who bring children on the train, eat peanut butter, or paint their nails.
  7. Yeg, that neighbor again. It would be your guy. Terrible. And now he's going to eat a salmon sandwich in thirty degrees. Sir, I just woke up, okay?
  8. At moments like this, you suddenly get extra annoyed by people like Melania Trump and wonder why you don't have a helicopter to take you to work. Seriously.
  9. WHY DON'T I HAVE A CAR? WHY? WHYYYY? KID, BUY A CAR. AND GET OVER THAT CRAZY FEAR OF DRIVING  LOSER.
  10. Okay, I've completely accepted this train situation by now. All jokes aside, I suddenly feel like having sex. Does that guy across from me feel the same? And that woman on the left?

And at the end of the day, we just go over points 1 to 10 again. I want to cry. Eat white Magnums, pet kittens, and have Ryan Gosling comfort me. Under a rain shower or something. Can NS arrange that too?