11 Things You Think About When You Suddenly Turn 45

(and 8 pretty wise lessons for you)

As you may know, I tend to round down as much as possible in life. Weight, alcoholic consumption, purchases at MyTheresa, and so on. Age is an exception to that rule. You better round that up. Like my friend A who at 45 already exclaimed that she was ’slowly approaching 50’ and immediately sat down to receive the compliments that followed.

To get used to the idea, I’ve been hearing myself say for months that I am 45, even though that will only really happen on Saturday, December 23. I’m easing it in. Because when you turn 45, you suddenly realize all sorts of things.

1. I have been longer my driver’s license whether or not.
2. I have been having sex longer than not (yes sorry, but it’s true).
3. I have been stopped from smoking for so long that the period of not smoking is longer than the time I smoked.
4. There are boyfriends I no longer remember (but who sometimes come back to me via a tremendous oh yes experience).
5. I will really never go under the tanning bed again (okay, except for that time for our Look of the Year Awards, but that was before I discovered the phenomenon of spray tan ).
6. I still don’t save (thankfully we bought houses and I live in my piggy bank, but other than that…).
7. That said: I still spend everything that comes in (thankfully I have a husband who is a lot wiser than I am).
8. I can still get short of breath from a piece of clothing.
9. I’m not really nervous so quickly anymore.
10. If something bothers me, I just let it out. A trait I never thought possible because I used to be quite the people-pleaser, but I left that part of my persona behind somewhere at the beginning of this millennium.
11. I have three daughters and a husband. My life is (even though there are certainly bumps and difficult moments) really exactly as it is and maybe even more beautiful than I dared to think.

So.

And because this shouldn’t become an ego document, I’m now going to share a few wise lessons with you. Because you are all still young and in your prime. So let me say something I would have liked to hear when I was in my twenties.

1. Take a moment to see how beautiful you are. But really. It doesn’t get better than this. You can hope for it, but it’s not true. Your skin, your hair, your body; everything is still so pure and intact. No weird knees, no frown lines, no bags. Just stepping out until dawn and no one sees it. Look in the mirror for at least five minutes a day and enjoy what you see.
2. It will be alright. That man is really out there. Or that woman. That person who makes you happy. Just let it go for a moment. Have fun. But make sure you go to places where you could meet that person. Don’t let your age and biological clock govern you. When the moment is right, it can happen quickly.
3. Freeze your eggs. Have you read the interview with Candy Dulfer in Volkskrant Magazine? She started too late with children and then it didn’t work anymore. Her lesson: freeze your eggs. If it doesn’t help, it doesn’t hurt either. It gives you peace of mind. Just do it.
4. Friendships fade. The time I have spent desperately trying to maintain fading friendships… Some friends fit a certain period. You develop, they do too. Sometimes it goes together, sometimes it doesn’t. That’s no shame. Embrace the difference and let each other go. If a friendship costs more energy than it gives, it’s time to open the door. And please name it. Better than letting it die a cowardly death. And who knows, you might find each other again afterwards.
5. There are also nice men. If he really goes for you, he is nice for you. And you will notice that naturally. As soon as you start explaining things for him and making excuses for why he couldn’t come, it’s not okay. You know that yourself. If he likes you, you feel it. He picks up the phone and comes to you as often as he can. Ah, you know that yourself.
6. DO NOT go under the tanning bed. I still hear it so often around me, but really: sun damage causes 80% of skin aging from the outside. You might look good for a moment, but when you turn forty, you’ll have wrinkles. And there’s nothing you can do about it. Besides: you don’t need it at all. Go back to point 1.
7. Hang in the lights. Turn the light on first and off last. A smile is the most beautiful accessory you have and partying is always a good idea.
8. Dive into the moment. Sometimes life isn’t fun. That’s just how it is. I can’t change that for you. Dive into your sadness. If you push it away, it will come back like a boomerang. Just go all in. You suffer, you are sad. Crawl under that duvet. You’ll see that you suddenly laugh so hard you might just pee your pants.