Amayzine

23x the funniest quotes about dieting

So I just took my summer clothes out of the closet and I only fit my sunglasses. Just kidding. No, but seriously, am I the only one who hears the Mission Impossible soundtrack in her head when she's trying to diet again?
You see, the life of a fit girl doesn't suit me. I tried it for three whole days, but I was lured back to the dark side of Netflix chillings including cheese platters, Oreos, and vino. And you know what, that's fine too. Time for a round of shameless quotes from non-fit girls.

  1. The anticipation of ordering a salad is great. The proud feeling. The Insta photo. The faces on the terrace. Until you see your neighbor eating fries. Then you just feel like crap.
  2. I had planned to lose 10 kilos this summer. I only have 13 left.
  3. Wasp waist? I have bumblebee hips.
  4. The struggle is real: when you're trying to order a salad and your mouth suddenly takes over: ‘I'll have a double quarter pounder with extra cheese, please.’
  5. Just trained for an hour, still fat. This makes no sense.
  6. You see, penguins look effing cute. With those short legs, adorable eyes, and a three-centimeter layer of fat. MY GOD, I am a penguin!
  7. Time for a diet rhyme. So I keep telling myself: ‘Lisa, now you're going to live healthier.’ But I don't. Because my name isn't Lisa. Fuck diets.
  8. I don't really like the word fat. I prefer hard to kidnap.
  9. My life is a constant struggle between ‘I need to exercise’ and ‘should we stay inside or go to McDrive?’
  10. * Follows diet *
    * Diet does not follow back *
    * Unfollows diet *
  11. Chocolate doesn't solve problems, but an apple doesn't either. So. There.
  12. My new diet: looking at photos of my ex. Until I'm no longer hungry.
  13. By the way, it's a shame you burn so few calories while scrolling.
  14. The feeling you suddenly have after eating a mandarin and suddenly feel healthy as f*ck. Haha. HAHAHA.
  15. Me on Facebook: Just ran 10K and now whipped up a homemade Thai soup. Me in real life: * grabs phone * “Hi, I'd like to order two four-cheese pizzas, please.”
  16. If you know how many calories are in your cinnamon roll, then you're really eating it wrong, girlfriend.
  17. Great again. Entered what I've eaten today in my fitness app and now see that an ambulance is on its way to my house.
  18. I don't want to brag or anything, but I just finished my 14-day diet in 3 hours and 12 minutes.
  19. My. Wallet. Must. Be. Just. As. Fat. As. My. Thighs. You get it? (Thanks to RUMAG.)
  20. How I put on my pants: Left leg. Right leg. Wiggle. Wiggle. Jump. Squat. Stretch. Done. Pants off again. Damn pants.
  21. This whole healthy eating shit is really dangerous. I just CUT MYSELF when I wanted to peel an apple. That would never have happened with a slice of pizza.
  22. “You really like broccoli, huh? Well, I have something for you.” “Yeah?” “Yeah. Literally EVERYTHING.”
  23. Me: I'm going to lose weight.
    Me: And really exercise every day.
    Me: I'm really not going to eat that.
    Me: No, I'm doing great, I'm staying strict.
    Me: Is that red velvet cake?