THE ART OF ARGUMENT

How was my first argument with my boyfriend? Well, just picture me as a dragon of a screamer and him doing a little circle on his heels and then, whoosh, out the door. What turned out? He didn't do arguments where I was standing there whining like a fishwife. Okay, okay, tricky. I had no idea how to have a decent argument. Yes, I did tell my girlfriends the truth sometimes, but a boyfriend in love, that was new.

I caught the vibe, no worries. Now I am a blessed woman who hardly complains, rants, and has even less to curse about (but really), yet it does crackle in our house from time to time. Shaking things up a bit is healthy or something.

And where you can also go a bit wild? Well, when he is working all day and doesn't listen when you just want to vent your tiny struggles or big matters of the day for a moment. Or about money, because this is number one on the list that couples argue about passionately. And what about that mother-in-law (and that she knows better how to deal with your boyfriend). Or about whether you both are going to hit the roads and lanes together or if he is just going with his buddies. He seems to plan that at the moment you really need him to lean on.

“Uh, but sorry, weren't we arguing?”

But your researcher has dived into the archives and you have criteria for a good argument. Or well, there are some rules to categorize an argument as a fine argument according to Psychology Magazine. These are:

1. With feeling. Show them, throw them out, whoosh, into the wide world with those feelings.

2. Don't attack your partner. Uh, but sorry, weren't we arguing?

3. Keep your calm. Look, I've learned that. Calm arguing makes more of an impression than the hysterical variant.

4. Don't curse. Manmanman, boring, right?

5. Acknowledge your wrong. Aaaaaah, but yes, if there is any wrong on your side at all, then you do it.

6. Don't go on the counterattack. Okay, okay, but I see that very differently.

7. Don't repeat yourself. Have you already made an accusation? Then don't do it again. Just don't.

8. Really listen to him or her. Between your tirade (oh no, we didn't do that) and shaking your fists.

9. Understand each other. Or at least make an attempt.

10. Have make-up sex. Oh, by the way, this one is from Amayzine, not from Psychology Magazine. But really, make-up sex.