Chiara Ferragni and Fedez are getting married
And so the wedding becomes
One indulges in half an hour of GTST, Lil and I watch Chiara and Fedez The Soap. Just on Insta Stories, because that's where the couple captures every sigh, kiss, and fart. The Insta channel of The Blond Salad has become super interesting since Fedez walked into the picture. And you've probably seen it live, when Federico suddenly went down on one knee. Woooohaaaaaa. Chiara Ferragni is getting married to her Italian stud. She got a ring so big that you need sunglasses for it. This will be the wedding of the year, guyzzz (with Italian sss à la Chiara), I'm telling you. And if you're a loyal follower, you know that this is on the agenda for the big day.
You're in
Hooray, because Instagram Stories will be shut down to get a livestream from Italy. What am I saying? CNN is broadcasting it. The world press gets its own plane to be flown in, just like the five hundred dearest friends. And the Italians get a day off, because C and F The Wedding will be a national holiday.
More matching tattoos
Federico has already covered his fine body with ink and Chiara is also not averse to some ink. But no worries, there are still centimeters free. The matching tattoo is already in the form of a real ravioli, but more is to come. SO-WIE-SO. The tattoo artist will be dragged from his studio and flown in from Verweggistan on the big day to provide the lovebirds with some fresh ink.
A small party
Leave it to Chiara to organize a parteeeh. This will be the biggest Italian fissa ever. Because yes, the wedding location is of course in bella Italia. I think they will rent Sicily, at least. And the festivities will last not just a day, but a weekend, a week, or maybe even a month. I've never seen anyone celebrate her thirtieth birthday for so long, so that must be topped. The world's most famous DJs will be flown in for a dance, and that's why the Netherlands will also be present.
#weddingdays
After the hashtags Italian Days and American Days, Chiara will launch the Wedding Days variant within a month. Oh, I'm already looking forward to it.
Say yes to the dress
Chiara will wear the most expensive dress ever and the biggest designers have already started a charm offensive to land that job. A veil from Karl, the top from Vera, and the skirt by Alessandro Michele from Gucci. Knowing Chiara, she will show some bust on the right and left AND her train is adorned with her own little eyes inlaid with diamonds. I foresee a shift in the bridal gown world. Did everyone up until now do a Kate Middleton? Move over, we want to wear Chiara. Oh, did I say we?
“A veil from Karl, the top from Vera, and the skirt from Gucci”
Put a ring on it
She is already almost tipping forward because of the humongous diamond in her engagement ring, but the wedding ring will really make her petite body top-heavy.
The little dog
One of the reasons Lil has a girl crush on her: Chiara's dog. It would be sad if it were left alone, so a companion will be found for the four-legged friend. And they will also let it step into the marriage boat. With veil and little jacket.
Awkward kissing
Or well, awkward kissing, but I always get the feeling that I'm watching the foreplay of Chiara and Fedez on Insta. The wedding guests will have that for a weekend, month, or year. My goodness.
The bridal logo
If you already have a personalized logo stamped on everything before your thirtieth, then at the wedding you will wipe that little puddle with the heads of C and F printed on gilded toilet paper.
It's going to be flat
Chiara is about thirty centimeters taller than Fedez, so she will marry in a Gucci loafer or in her own espadrilles. Maybe she will even impose a high heels ban?
The guest list
Bella Hadid. The Ferragni family. All of Italy. Every Instagrammer with at least a million followers. Oh, I can't wait.
May, I already opt for a day off on the wedding. I solemnly promise that I will provide live coverage of the special Insta broadcast of Chiara and Fedez The Wedding.
