Fun & Famous
COMMUTER FRUSTRATION
I am a commuter. Now I would almost say and therefore a forensic expert, but I would have had to dive into the books a bit longer for that. But I am your expert in the better commuting work. And that, that brings a lifestyle in itself.
At the beginning of the month, I got behind the wheel to head towards Damsko. The whole country was still on vacation, so it went like a train (just kidding; like the car, that is). But then it was Monday again, everyone got back into gear, and chaos broke loose. Forgive my language, but really, it was as if a virus with acute traffic amnesia had broken out and no one knew how to drive anymore. But how then, drivers? You drive in and out all day, right? But no, a big fat error on the road. I listened very appropriately to Highway To Hell, breathed in and out, and accepted my fate. The commuter fate. By the way, we commuters have it tough, because the longer you sit in the car, the thicker you get. You have less time to exercise (good excuse this) and eat all unhealthy junk. And, your stress level goes through the roof. In the car, you worry about a lot and you get startled by all kinds of braking practices.
“Later, my dearest little commuters.”
And here I get a bit more excited behind the wheel (in the wrong sense of the word):
1. That they don't mention your traffic jam on the radio, but you are completely still. How annoying is that.
2. Merging, merging is misery. The guys crawl on their monkey rock and never let you in. You stand there all day on that merging arrow, misery.
3. Belgians with fog lights. I am going to look up the criteria for turning on your fog lights in Belgium right now, but those folks always have their fog lights on.
4. If that one speed camera is not yet in your speed camera app. Or your traffic jam, just as bad. Or that Mr. Speed Camera says your delay lasts three minutes, but you are still standing by that patch of grass half an hour later.
5. That everyone drives fifty when a flake of snow falls from the sky. Why?
6. Oooof, that everyone is tailgating you when you can't see a hand in front of your face because of that wall of water in front of you. Also annoying.
7. Traffic jam just before your exit, that is the horror.
8. Traffic jam when you just leave home too, by the way. You could have better drunk your coffee at home.
9. And guys who keep driving right next to you. As in: not overtaking you and not driving behind you. Smiling. You know, just honk and wave ridiculously hard at me, then I immediately understand your intentions.
10. And traffic jams are soooo a waste of your time.
11. Traffic flirting is fun, as long as he is not yet eighty and winks at you from his Porsche Cayenne.
12. Your gas light, that you think you can make it and then you get stuck in traffic. You daredevil.
13. Old people who get on the road during rush hour, even though they haven't worked since your long-live-the-queen.
14. And then you give in to painting your nails or plucking your eyebrows or texting of course and then everything starts moving again. That guy behind you honks, you get so startled that that new polish from Chanel flies through your car.
15. Or that you start calling as a pastime, but the whole world is on the phone. Stupid.
16. I should have gone to the bathroom, damn guys, I really should have gone to the bathroom. By the way, did you know that there are women who have peed in diapers or a sponge out of necessity? It wasn't me, though.
17. Laughing at the same joke on the radio makes commuting a bit bearable.
18. And I just heard the tip that you should throw a pack of cleaning wipes in your car. At least you have something to clean when you are standing in line for an hour for Jan's short. this survival guide is a great pastime for that slog on the highway.
Later, my dearest little commuters. Because I am always that, later.
