Dear Pippa, we need to talk

Pippa, Pippa, Pippa. All those years we wondered who ‘the most beautiful butt in the world’ would marry. That must be the happiest man on earth. The man who marries Kate Middleton's sister and thereby immediately belongs to the royal inner circle and has a lovely brunette. The sexy sister of proper Kate.

Of course, you managed to snag the best specimen from the UK. And handsome, smart, and rich. Multi-millionaire James Matthews is incredibly yours to have. Your upcoming wedding is topic number one, because this is the day you, and we, have been looking forward to for years.

There is just something to do about that guest list of yours. You have implemented the ‘no ring, no bring’ policy. Flings and fresh relationships are not welcome. Only people who are engaged or married may attend the ceremony. Strict and just as you are, this also applies to the partners of Prince Harry and your brother-in-law Spencer Matthews.

‘You were the one who drew all the attention of the world press to you at your sister's wedding with the lowest back neckline and the tightest butt, right?’

Now I understand that marriage is an intimate affair. It is your day after all. And you don't want to give your vows surrounded by people you had to introduce yourself to just five minutes before. I totally get that.

But I think it's pretty serious between Harry and Meghan. They've already been to another wedding and the engagement rumors are flying around. And Spencer and his girlfriend have been together for quite a while too. I assume you've met her a few times, right? And does a relationship only have value if people are married? Is it up to you to determine how serious and lasting someone else's love is? Maybe people have good reasons not to marry. Should they not be allowed to come because they have a different view on life than you? I had you pegged as a bit more free-spirited.

Others, albeit the gossiping tongues, claim that you mainly care that Meghan and Vogue are of course considerable appearances. Two stunning women, famous moreover. And that they might attract a lot of attention. On your day. And you wouldn't want that.

But Pippa, that's not you, is it? You were the one who drew all the attention of the world press to you at your sister's wedding with the lowest back neckline and the tightest butt, right? Or not? You didn't consider for a second to wear something else to make a less noticeable presence, did you? Of course not. You would be crazy to do that. This was the chance to throw a hook out to the best fish in the ocean. Hey, here I am. Pippa Middleton. You did it and I wish you well. But forget your clipped door policy and just open the gate for Meghan and Vogue, come on. I'm secretly looking forward to a little Pippa revisited in their outfits. We, as distant onlookers, will also have a bit of fun.