HAVING AND MAINTAINING A RELATIONSHIP IS A TRUE SKILL

Renske has tips

I laughed really hard last night. Really hard. And it wasn't even about my own jokes! No.
Then I will explain how or what.
I was at a mega fun afterparty. Not just any afterparty from some trendy hip party where I often go: this was about the show of Daniel Arends. A smashing good cabaret performance with lots of laughter, nice awkward situations with the audience, and bags full of zeitgeist anecdotes. One of his remarks? That it is – he has been in a relationship for years – a true skill to be able to commit to someone and stay with them. It is an absolute skill to maintain a long relationship and stay with someone, despite everything that comes your way (especially nowadays).

I say it's true. It can be quite a challenge to stay with someone for the love of one another, even if they should be F***ING dead because they keep playing that game of: who can stuff the trash bag the longest without emptying it. And then he/she also doesn't like winter sports, has ugly sweaters that make you look ridiculous all the time, and oh yes, suddenly has a big butt. A much bigger butt than that somewhat attractive colleague!

I'm just mentioning a few obstacles, of course. Although; I don't really look down on anything these days. Because coincidentally – not entirely coincidentally of course – the queen of long relationships is speaking here. I have been in a relationship for twenty (!) years with a really nice, but certainly not easy man. Moreover, I am certainly not the easiest myself. Well, the prettiest of course, but not the easiest. So that's why I thought: come on, let me give the single Amayzers a few of my long relationship lessons, completely casually of course. Who knows, they might come in handy.

Lesson 1. You shall not sweat the small stuff: you have to be able to let things go. If necessary with the help of Elsa, but believe me: you have to let shit go. Otherwise, it won't work. So if you have to replace the trash bag AGAIN, well, then you just swallow three times and then you just empty the trash bag. Choose your battles wisely! And then you act like nothing is wrong, because... there is actually nothing wrong. P.S.: It can even concern bigger issues than a trash bag. Even then, it's important that you don't get hung up on everything.

Lesson 2. Suppose, after a while, you suddenly have some feelings for someone else. Then that really doesn't have to be a sign that it's over between you. My tip is to talk about it. Not with your girlfriends at the bar (also, also), but especially with your partner. Sure, it's tempting to go further with that other exciting guy and think that he must be the one, but that other guy is probably not that exciting after ten weeks. In fact, you might find his athletic body just scary, because imagine you also have to go to the gym your whole life and can only order sparkling water on the terrace. Really only sparkling water. Never wine again. Yes, maybe one glass once. But then with a liter of water next to it. And of course the piercing gaze of your DEAD SOBER friend with the six-pack. Okay, I'll stop.

Lesson 3. Yes, after a while it might indeed become a bit boring. Then I say: so be it! Of course, it shouldn't become mega deadly boring (check these tips for wild sex and stuff), but let’s be honest: you just know each other inside out after a while. But is that really so terrible? Isn't that just nice? Not everything in life can remain exciting. That impression is indeed sometimes created these days (if something is no longer wildly crazy, we like to run away, looking for the next rush), but then you can really keep running. And hard too.

Lesson 4. If he thinks the new couch/side table/house is really ugly (these are real issues), then you just don't buy it. Even if you really don't understand how someone can't appreciate your divine taste. Well, and then you just go have a drink together and no harsh words are exchanged. And no, you won't sulk. And you won't accidentally buy the couch tomorrow on your own!

Lesson 5. If he (or you) is completely consumed by work for three months, then the other should NOT complain that they feel ‘pushed aside blablabla‘ and that a choice really has to be made between career and love blablabla, because for him five others who would have more time for you blablabla’. It's not true, you're just talking nonsense.

Lesson 6. In line with this: don't claim each other. Just don't. Trust is key, jealousy is a bitch! And if you are just incredibly jealous (or have become) and find it very hard to hold back, then talk about it. With your partner, and especially also with a psychologist. In any case, trust is the foundation.

Lesson 7. You manage your own financial affairs well. Sure, sometimes one earns more than the other, but make good agreements and/or fix your balance. Holding out your hand to the other is not really good for the relationship. It's nice in a relationship if there is equality.

Lesson 8. I often see this go wrong with singles who have been alone for a long time and have never had to adapt. However: once in a relationship, you can't keep shouting: ‘Well, gosh, but that's just how I am! Just accept me as I am, otherwise I'm out, duh!’ Of course, you don't have to flush your entire personality down the toilet, but working on yourself from time to time can't hurt. Don't be afraid to face a failure once in a while.

Lesson 9. Meanwhile, it is of course important to accept that everyone really has a number of persistent shortcomings. Really everyone. Yes, even the perfect people on Instagram.

Lesson 10. Live in the now. You are having fun now, you are happy with each other now. If you make it too big, if you say things to yourself like: do I have to stay with him for my whole life? Can I never do it with someone else again? – then even the best will have a panic attack. And by ‘the best’ I obviously mean myself. I have learned that you have to keep it a bit small. Seize the day! Seize (each other)!
Anyways, that was it. Make sure to benefit from it.

If you want more tips, just let me know. As you can see, I am a real expert.
More reading material: these are the things you do when you've been together for a long time.