HOLY COW: I'M GOING SPONTANEOUSLY

TO THAILAND

(And this is what you need to know if you've never been there)

My travel tail is wagging fifteen times. You see, I'm going totally unexpectedly to Thailand. IN JUST OVER A WEEK. FOR WORK, YES. I have been invited by the Thai Tourism Authority to fly to Bangkok and from there travel to Loei; a truly undiscovered area in northeastern Thailand about an hour's flight from Bangkok. Something about a little paradise with insanely beautiful temples and breakfasting with monks. More diminutives than this sentence can actually handle, but also something about offerings in rivers with lights. Sounds cozy, right? I thought so. And of course, I'll take you along on this adventure.

But since Ms. Control Freak has never been to Thailand , it was time for a little research. So behold: a number of practical things you need to know if you're packing your bags for Thailand for the first time. Thanks to all the fellow travel enthusiasts with tips on their blogs, especially tipsthailand.nl.

Travel time

On average, you spend about twelve to thirteen hours in the ninety-degree position if you're flying to Bangkok. Quite long, indeed. How do you survive that long flight? You can read that here. And I recommend the flight anxiety frogs this to read it as well.

Language barrier

It's actually not that bad in Thailand. Almost everyone speaks good English. And yet, the Thai appreciate it if you make an effort to say a word for them. Smile and just greet everyone in the morning with a simple ’sawaddie thon shouw‘ (a.k.a. good morning).

Bargaining

In Thailand, you can apparently negotiate almost everything. Even the locals do it. So think three times before you get into that taxi or tuktuk, and never agree to the first price that is mentioned.

The head is sacred

Because the Thai also see this as the ‘highest’ body part. Touching someone's head (even patting a child on the head)? Just don't do it. It's a bit not done.

Then a little about your feet...

Those are the ‘lowest’ and dirtiest parts of the body because they come into contact with the street. So put on your shoes when you go inside.

Tap water

Don't drink it. Always buy bottled water in the supermarket. Brushing your teeth with tap water is okay, but don't swallow it. Oh, and ice sold on the street is sometimes made from tap water, so if you're craving an ice cream, it's better to order it in a restaurant.

The royal family

It may go without saying, but speaking negatively about the king or the royal family is not smart. And that's putting it mildly. It's legally prohibited, and you don't want to end up in jail while on vacation.

About the temples

Because of course, you're going to visit them when you go to Thailand. Pack a shawl in your suitcase to take to the temples. You can always borrow pants and cloths for the temples, but whether that's charming and hygienic is up to you. Taking silly selfies with Buddha statues is also not very polite.

Whatever you do, don’t touch the monk

I had to secretly chuckle at this point, but especially women are not allowed to touch monks. If you do, he is required to undergo a complicated purification ceremony, and you certainly don't want to put the poor man through that. If you want to give something to a monk, do it through a man or place it somewhere.

Ping pong shows

If you go on a bar crawl in the evening and are invited to a ping pong show: don't think for a second that this has anything to do with table tennis. Let's just say these shows are definitely 18+. Often a bit sleazy, and also somewhat unfriendly to women. But an experience in itself, of course.

Oh dear, I'm counting down the days. Bangkok and Loei, see ya very soon, my friends.