If you have a difficult child

6 things you should do

The problem starts right at the top. Because what is difficult? And putting a sticker on your own child is not fun. Let's agree that every mother loves her child, even when the label ‘special’ is frequently mentioned. But just as you might want to put any child in a soundproof room for a day, a special child sometimes demands even more from you as a mother.

My oldest falls under the above description (read here but if you want to know more about that). She is the sweetest and most genuine person in the world whom I love with indescribable rarity. When she crawls into bed with me at night and asks if I ’want to sniff like a bunny‘ and giggles softly when I actually do, I don't need to go anywhere else. Never again. Being with her is the pinnacle of happiness.

But when we've just popped the cork off the bottle at Destino in Ibiza and she has already stripped off all her clothes in the nearby playground and then douses herself with water so she can't get dressed again, meaning we will have to go back to the house anyway, counting to 10 is not enough.

Because I am not the only one with a special needs child and have been at this for a number of years, here are some comforts and tips in a row.

It passes

We are now laughing about lunch at Destino and also about the dramatic outbound flight where she refused to buckle her seatbelt. A shower is passing over. So breathe in, breathe out; before you know it, you're cuddling and breathing like a bunny in the soft spot behind her ear again.

Don't limit yourself

My father-in-law turned 70 and invited the whole family for a boat trip. I had reservations because what if it didn't go well, then we would be stuck in the middle of the water. With all the in-laws we didn't know very well and with whom I felt less safe. “If it doesn't work out, we'll dock, order a taxi, and go home.” So said, so done, and you guessed it, we had a great day.

There are always kind people around

When I took my daughter to the hairdresser for the first time, I was a bit apprehensive. Maybe she wouldn't handle the noise. While washing her hair, I explained to the boy who was helping her what was going on. Autistic with a mild intellectual disability. “My little brother has that too,” he said and explained things to her so vividly, better than I could ever have done.

Be honest

For a long time, I tried to justify it when my girl danced out of sync. Fear of that label, huh. Moreover, it's not fun to say that there is ‘something’ with your child. Until my girl didn't know that the rules of her judo class didn't apply outside the mat and she thought it was a great idea to push other kids while on vacation. Then I had to stand up for her and flaunt her ‘disability’. That brings so much support. You will see that there are all kinds of people around you who have experience with these kinds of children. People who relieve you, help you, and who really don't find it annoying. If they do, just think of these wise words I once saw in a shop in Ibiza: ‘Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.’.

Ask for help

You might think that you are the only one who loves your child and knows exactly how the manual works. But believe me, there are people who really like your child too. And who have learned about it and might understand the manual faster than you. Meanwhile, you can unload a bit. Don't feel guilty if you go to a spa or get your nails done. Think a little about yourself. You often think enough about others. When you come back recharged, you are a more fun mother again. With nice nails.

Don't drown

Just think that there is probably a reason this child chose you. Learn from it, enjoy it. And just remember that you could have had an annoying child too. They exist as well. And everything will be fine. Maybe in a different way than you thought, but it will be fine. Drop the mic.