Kiki's Expedition Robinson Babble
(week 11)
Good morning diehard fanbase, here is your Expedition Robinsnol again. Have you recovered a little from yesterday's episode? The island group is getting smaller and smaller and suddenly it's game on big time. Damn, that game is getting tough all of a sudden. I'm still out of sorts. If you're new here (the group seems to be expanding weekly): welcome welcome! For about sixteen weeks a year, I blast all the brain farts that come to me onto paper in the form of some island babble. All from a passion for the show, with a wink of course, but the main rule is: no one is safe. Not this week either. Ahem, a number of expedition members in particular.
Alright, shall we? I turned on the TV last night and this is what I thought:
1. Okay, help. I'm in a dilemma with myself. One side of me still sees that enthusiastic Roeland with his playful eyes, gray beard, and great, vivid statements and the other half WANTS. THAT. CREEP. WITH. THAT. GROSS. HAT. TO. BE. FILLETED. GET. IT.
2. Alright, first let's go back to the beginning. Danny. Froger-the-wizard please get more out of that hat of yours. We're doing well. And, Roeland, for God's sake explain something to me: your girlfriend Anouk just got voted out, Danny is the mastermind behind the backstab operation and you shake HIS hand but go completely loco on our new Farmer Bertie? How schizophrenic is that?
3. Mr. sly fox has already forgotten the fight a little later, tries to score points with Imke and swears on his mother's life not to mess around this round. Say, eh, Roeland, the hospital just called... #NeverMakeJokesAboutMothersFriend.
4. And the big question this episode remains: what the hell is Wiedergutmachungs Schnitzel? Sounds like a dish in a restaurant where you really don't want to be.
5. Ha, a new job opening in the island newspaper. Wanted: insect with kettle capacity of at least 120 decibels. Tasks: hysterically scream every time that one woman with noodle hair stays too long in the confession booth.
6. Meanwhile, Dagobert Duck-Niels is infecting my great friend Kaj on finalist island with the greed gene and the coconuts are being hidden like a bunch of spaced-out LSD squirrels with paranoia.
7. Back to island Katanawan. The trial is made possible by butcher Kippie-on-the-spit. What a fantastic film set again, people, it must be said. And, Soundos during trials? Four words. Well, that escalated quickly. HAHAHAHA.
8. ‘Oh wait, are we going to spin?!’ KABOOM!! WHO ELSE IS PEEING IN THEIR PANTIES? I think I've watched it three times in replay, man man, what television. It's almost impressive to pull this off. Makers, are you sure that woman isn't hired?
9. Laugh attack number two: Roeland, who like a wet cat in a corner still manages to cling to that pole with his nails. And then a little tickle of pride at the moment when all the ‘ON'ers’, ‘SuperRobinsons’ or as I prefer to say: the hardcore bosses stick around. The Netherlands loves this television.
10. I need to know. Is there really something wrong with me that every week when I look at the moles on Imke's body, I nostalgically think back to the time when I as a kid had a little book where you could draw fantasy animals by connecting the dots? Anyone have tips for a good psychiatrist in Utrecht? Joe? Cuckoo.
11. So Kaj just devoured half a pineapple and professionally hid that coconut. To Carlos: ‘We've been saying ALL day that we want pineapple. And we're freaking going crazy that we don't have coconuts.’ Kaj, you crazy guy with your Lucile-Werner-Lingo-ball statements, I'll just ask you straight up: are you coming to feed the duckies in my bathtub?
12. The moment we've been waiting for three months: Carlos challenges Niels. I was really in a spasm when Carlos almost dropped that pin. But then: elephants on the right, streamers on the left and a naked dancing howler monkey: MY BOY WINS THE TRIAL AGAINST NIELS. NICE, DUDE!
13. Snickers, you're not yourself when you're hungry...
‘My wish is a very boring island council where Herold goes home.’ - Roeland.
‘I'm going to destroy Imke. I'm going to break her. Imke goes down.’ - Roeland.
14. Makers, even though the trendy music choices sometimes come a bit out of nowhere, I must say that I really enjoyed eight seconds of Justin Bieber's ‘and if it ends, can we be friends?’.
15. Montage on fleek again this week: at the moment when Imke is about to have the most painful sibling murder conversation ever with Herold and the only thing you hear in the background is the laugh of the Loch Ness monster.
16. I think I've never seen anyone stare around so apathetically and socially disturbed as Niels on that bench during the island council. Unbelievable. Just like this statement from Roeland: ‘Anouk asked me to avenge her, this is part of it.’ Pfffff.
17. The inevitable moment. Are Kim Jong-Sun and drama queen Roeland going to take on TitanTukker Imke?
Me: please no.
Twitter: please no.
Universe: please no.
Carlos: I'm eating pineapple and have no idea.
Reality: you have no say at all.
Me: throws popcorn bowl across the room.
All of Twente on Google: ‘address Roeland Fernhout...’
18. What are we raffling this week on my Instagram account @kikiduren (follow it, it's fun) ? A brand new kettle with anti-Soundos effect, the limited edition ‘I swear it on my mother’ mug from Roeland and an evening of pool with Kaj's coconuts. I'm telling you: you want this.
19. Next week: Nike is looking for a new main sponsor now that Imke is off the island, old-fashioned Jerry Springer scenes between Niels and Roeland AND my boy Carlos escapes the Philippines by helicopter and drops a little nuclear bomb down. I'm telling you: that's going to be delicious.
P.S.: My hysterical in-bed-with-sleepover parties with Kaj here and Carlos here have you seen them? Just do it, okay (yes, we ate crickets, went judoing in bed and Kaj told everything about his number of bed partners. Want. to. Check).
P.P.S.: FUCK Imke, I already miss you. Heart at the bottom of this article if you also hope for a muy grande action the revenge of our Spanish pepper Carlito next week. Lataaah.
