Kiki's Expedition Robinson babble

(week 13)

Hey, you here again? My little island buddy. Nice. Rub the sleep out of your eyes because I can tell you: we have a lot to discuss. The Hysterically Cringe-Inducing Painful Catfight between Roelie and Shelly the pusbil, for example. What a Jerry Springer level, people. What a vulgar entertainment. And we all enjoy it, that's the worst part.

Did I say last week seriously that it was getting a bit boring? Thanks, thanks Ex Rob-makers, because you’ve thrown another hour of delightful island fun into our living room. Not only Shelly's oliebollen, but the atmosphere is also quite burnt. Two things are certain. 1: when Soundos is the most stable factor in your camp, you know something is wrong. Really. And 2: I should never get into an argument with Roeland, because I also start cursing when people act unreasonable. Roaring like a baboon even. He would also slice me with belittling phrases like: ‘You shouldn't curse. That's ugly. And small.’ Shel, my tip to you? No words but actions. Next time just HATSAKEEE a cassava root in his little behind at night. Done with that puppet show.

Alright, you get it: it's bubbling on all sides. So sit down for a moment. 17 brain farts of Ex Rob love shot straight your way.

1. ‘Wow, look, a freshly caught tuna! You know what? Let's fry it in an immense layer of FAT!‘ Tight plan, guys... Here’s a whip from the sushi police.

2. When does Robert ten Brink show up in this All You Need is Love Christmas special from Kaj and Niels? When are they finally going to kiss? And how much GHB was in that tropical tuna stew? Or are those space carrots? Anyway, Niels is turning into the Dalai Lama...

‘I wish you happiness just as much as I wish it for myself.’
‘Your happiness has also become part of my happiness.’
Wokééé...

3. A total bow for this genius comment on Twitter: ‘That soup from Niels and Kaj looks like the witch's soup I used to make in the garden with mud and twigs.’ HAHA. Or this one: ‘Soup? I cleaned the gutter the other day and it looked exactly like that.’

4. So we all think that Carlos is participating in a survival program, it turns out he just chose the ‘island hopping in the Philippines‘ package via TUI. Jerk.

5. Move over, Loesje, please give my friend Kaj his own tile line. I already have the first samples at the factory. We’re launching the ‘I’m eating myself into debt relief’ as the first one. Nice around the holidays too. ‘Desire and energy to build a Vinex neighborhood’ could follow. And then end with something about rainbows, fairies, and gnomes. This is going to be gold. 50/50, right, Kaj, you get that.

6. Huh? The trial has been going for a minute and Sounnie hasn't fallen into the water yet??? HOW IS THAT? Oh wait, I'm writing too fast again, there she goes. #BrilliantTactic.

7. I think Roeland secretly also slurped a bit from the GHB pan. Can't be helped. ‘I dive into my own little world. I try to think about it. How pleasant this all is. Eventually, pain looms in the distance. That pain is like a little thing on the horizon that comes and goes. I decide to address the pain. I say ‘no’, I don't want to give up.’ Then he starts talking to himself. Earth to Roeland? Joe? Coucouuuu.

8. HAHAHAHA, Shelly thinking: what on earth is that man doing with his NO NO NO. Her face on RTL XL three times is an absolute must this week. Or you know what? Just click here on Shelly's head. Long live the internet.

9. Damn, that Carlito the humpback knows no stopping. What shoulders that guy has. Do we remember in a gray past that my boy complained because he was bored and wasn't allowed to do tests? Now, uh, now he does about two a day. Let the others have some fun too, man.

10. Okay, brace yourself, because the next five points are all about the bitchfight of My Little Pony versus the Moffel. Yes, we can pretend there were other interesting things this week, but then we would be lying.

11. Good grief people, WHAT is happening here? Seriously. Roeland started as a funny guy, but has now transformed into a strung-out island freak. And is he really saying ‘sweetheart’ and ‘darling’ during the arguments? Brrrr. Those are the scariest.

12. All of the Netherlands on the couch: please break his glasses, Shelly. Yolo. Do it. Do it. And then squeeze your pusbil in his face.

13. Laughing out loud. If you argue with a cousin and get these kinds of accusations thrown at you:

S: ‘As if I lie in bed all day and play the princess...’

R: ‘Then that's a fairy tale. Then you are a fairy tale princess.’

14. Plot twist of this season: at the end, actually finding Soundos sympathetic. Even if it's just because of this comment: ‘Well, then we can cut the atmosphere as a dessert afterwards. Oh, how pointless this is.’ Seriously, I’d let her go another round. #BecauseAllBallsNowOnMoffel #WhoWantsToJoin

15. Is OCD'er Niels now eating that ratatouille alone on the beach? Oh wait, the finalist island now consists of three people. That's a group, yes. Dude, you're going to have a baby soon, right? A family. Huh. Wait. Group. Convulsion. Must. Isolate. Bonjour, are you also kicking your wifey out the door? Or are you going to eat in the hallway?

16. For those who have caught up on Eilandpraat: is Herold crying over a bag of chips? Wow. We understand each other even more than I thought.

17. What are we raffling off this week on my Instagram account @kikiduren (follow it, it's fun man) ? Four custom-made #PrayForShelly diapers, Herold's petrified fisherman's hat, a dozen burnt oliebollen, and a 21-day package trip ‘island hopping in the Philippines’ made possible by TUI and Carlos. Naisss.

P.S.: Just admit it, hypocrite. The Inner Disaster Tourist in you also did a happy jump when you saw the preview for next week. Yep, the ruin between Shel and Roel is just going to keep going calmly. Now. Already. Looking forward to.

P.P.S.: Just a little test. Heart at the bottom if you also think it's a pretty good plan if ‘Expedition Roelandson’ ends next week. And if you can't turn off your irritation for that little glasses anymore.

P.P.P.S.: I'm totally into your awesome private messages on Insta during the broadcast. Keep them cominggg. Or to speak in airy-fairy Niels language: your happiness is my happiness. Something like that. A bit. Or so. As long as we’re not sitting together on an island with sand fleas then. Moehaha. See ya next week!