KIKI’S EXPEDITIE ROBINSON GEBRABBEL

(week 7)

Hey delicious Ex-Robbesnobbers of mine. So, that was quite the climax, huh, last night? Or to quote Roeland: “You sure know how to make it exciting, huh Gomperts, damn it!” In the category of didn’t see that coming: brilliantly played. All conspiracy theories were tackled, one unexpected twist after another exploded like some sort of island ejaculation in my living room. On nights like this, I find it a miracle that this program hasn’t won the Televizier Ring. In short: party. be Bertie. would be proud.

But. Yes, there’s always a but in the story. I need to get something off my chest. I’m craving banana. Okay, joke. No, I’m getting a bit itchy from Niels. And not the good kind of itch, if you know what I mean. It’s all very nice that Mister Gomperts was the shit in Penoza, but on the island, Mr. the arrogant sea urchin isn’t making any friends. With his banana nonsense, I-want-to-slaughter-cows talk, and I haven’t even mentioned THE ABOMINATION. A.k.a. the scarf. If you can beat Soundossaurus in terms of irritation factor, then nothing is going right, dude. That said: we love the ON’ers. Yes, you admit it too. Finally, something is happening on the island and finally, really cool faces are appearing in this battle. We want to high five with Imke, eat biscuits with Carlos, hug Herald as the new Bartho Braat, and Marlé as the new mother goose. Sounds like a solid plan.

Alright, are we ready to babble again? I was typing along with the broadcast last night and these brain farts were flying out:

1. SHIT IS HAPPENING. THE REUNION OF IMKE AND CARLOS. WHERE ARE THE TISSUES? FAAAAK, I LOVE THIS TELEVISION.

2. Oh my god. This one is for the sharp-eyed viewer. The eagle has risen from its ashes. Sorry buddy, for being so mean to you. You know what? You can come back. We embrace you. One task: rape the owl and eat it. Our thanks are great.

3. Time for the test. This time it’s all about supreme concentration and teamwork. The stress-resistant players will control the agility maze, while the rest loads the catapult and shoots. The Nielsies of this world are -once again- getting irritated. Hey Niels. If we wanted continuous bleating in our ear, we’d buy a fucking goat. Just be sssssst.

4. Okay okay, so much for the critical note. Look, we find Niels the sneaky banana thief funny. Niels as dalai lama/sand-banana sucker is annoying. Clear?

5. An evening of slurping sea urchin in Roeland's star restaurant? 125 euros. A Big Mac value menu with McFlurry? 8.70 euros. The look on Richard's face as he angrily looks to the left and sees that his darling has been traded for Mi Boy Carlos? Priceless.

6. Twitter, I love you. ‘Carolina and Soundos are just like The Baron and B100. Nice scheming to thwart the rival. Damn.’

7. “Or that crazy bikini that was in there, didn’t fit well.” – the moment when Danny Froger says something ‘funny’ and you still don’t get it.

8. Riddle 1: It’s red and kicks ass on an uninhabited island.

*Answer: Imke's head during the test.

9. Riddle 2: It’s black, hairy, shaped like a caterpillar, and loves clear presence.

*Answer: Hey guys, come on, enough with the eyebrows, okay? Stop now.

10. I was honestly so totally not cool half screaming on the couch when Camp South FINALLY also won a test. TUKKERS RULE BITCHESZZ. Imke and Carlos, can I be your maid of honor? Oh come on? #Lifegoals.

11. And we’re already at commercial number two. But wait a minute. What is this for a commercial? Luuk Ikink? Island talk? What is this brilliant thing? Live chatting at the end of the episode? Hello, LOVE IT. P.S.: I expect an invitation, okay, Luuk? You get that.

12. In the category of sour little digs from Niels Gomperts, we present to you today: “So, did you guys lose on purpose or something?” Ai ai ai. I would have shoved that middle finger up his ass, Marieke.

13. Meanwhile, medieval torture attempts are taking place at Camp Unknown by T Rex Soundos: “Oh, by the way. We just decided not to eat tonight.” Fly like a butterfly, sting like a bee. Tactics the sneaky way.

14. When your life is just perfect and Herald casually responds with an enthusiastic: “Great, good idea, ladies! Yes, that might be smarter. Okay, let’s do that!” HAHAHA.

15. When your life is just perfect part 2 and Herald wins on the balance beam against Carolina Kutjekoe. WHAT A HERO(LD)! WHAT A HE(RO)LD!

16. Kaj, my delicious cream puff, we have to consider your worst nightmare. You know it. Someday, someday the revenge of the T-Rex will come. Kim Jong-Soun swims slowly towards your island. And suddenly she stands behind you with a smile and whispers in your ear: “Game over.” The horror.

17. Hey, that Roeland. The emotional sea urchin eater, he’s actually quite a nice guy. CASSAVA CRUNCHERS, he’s not suddenly being sent home, right? Death or gladioli, Roeland. And there you go… NOT. Niels can show again that he plays chess with everyone. Well, this is still brilliant. Bye Richi. Bye team Ajax. (*Hears in the back of the head: it can thaw, it can freeze, we can wiiiiin or lose…)
18. And since we all enjoy reacting like a bunch of simple-minded sea urchins to win free stuff, we’re keeping it in. What I’m giving away this week on my Instagram account @kikiduren (follow me, it’s fun) is the ridiculously ugly, but still sweet mole glasses of Roeland, a quarter of an hour cuddling with Carlos, and an evening of chatting on the couch at my place.

Heart at the bottom if you can’t wait for next week. EATING TEST ALERT, IT’S GOING TO BE WORM NIBBLING, MOEHAAAA.

P.S.: Funny. How many. People. Are. Confused. When. An. Article. Doesn’t. End. Like. One. Actually. Dick.