Lunchbreak 2.0: the masturbation quarter

‘Cigarette, Kiek?’ whispers Adeline from the kitchen. Smoke breaks, very common here in the editorial office. But actually so incredibly 2016. I sneak out the front door to get some fresh air. Not very exciting of course, but nice to get through the afternoon.

If we are to believe the British media, ‘fapping’ is the new smoke break. An orgasm break seems to be the way to give your productivity and creativity at work a good boost. According to Mark Sergeant, a psychologist at Nottingham Trent University, an O-break would be very effective in the workplace. The perfect way to deal with stress.

In New York, it is already quite normal to reach an orgasm during a toilet visit. No less than 40% of all employees secretly admit to having an orgasm at work. In the Netherlands, two out of ten women masturbate at work. ‘Just going to pee‘. Yeah… Stress is often the cause of self-pleasure at work, but sometimes it’s just plain excitement or boredom.

Life coach Cliff Arnall was interested in this and took a closer look at the orgasm. According to Arnall, a ‘masturbation policy’ would lead to better focus, higher productivity, and more positivity in the workplace. Taking a moment for pleasure could counteract boredom at your desk. Well, why not? It’s healthier than a cigarette, it’s quicker than a power nap or a walk in the fresh air, and it provides a nice kick of endorphins.

You can imagine that this situation in the editorial office has already played out in my head, right? How the lighters will make way for pink dildos and purple cones, and a third toilet wouldn’t be a bad idea either. May, maybe first a ladies' night home party? Enjoying a plate of oysters and a glass of champagne?

If you have trouble reaching the climax or your orgasms end in a deep sleep next to your partner, then grab your pack of cigarettes again or take a walk. The O-break is not meant for you to retreat for half an hour. Try explaining that to your boss.

Cigarette, Kiek?