NAKED GROUP CLASSES, THE LATEST TREND?

‘We are going to do a total of eight sets of squats, people. Four sets of twenty mid and four sets of twenty wide squats. Remember: butt back, knees not past the toes, and chest forward.’

A small glimpse of my bodypump classes, let’s say four years ago. Yes, I did that too. For four years, I stood in front of the group and worked people into a sweat. I really found that the most fun. And secretly, I would occasionally like to go back and park my headset behind my ears. Marcel, are you reading along? But just imagine if I had done that naked and you wouldn’t come to my class dressed. Picture that.

A small glimpse of what my classes would look like:

– We start with the warm-up, ladies and gentlemen. 3, 2, 1: march. Two steps to the right.

– We make a leg curl from your heels to your bare butt.

– And over to the spinning class. Including a wet box on the saddle. Nice for the next group…

– Just a bit about that bike. Hand position three, we come off the saddle, butt back.

– Under the yoga class: the downward dog. Oh hello, chimes.

– Or during your downward dog, looking at your neighbor's star.

– Zumba, shake those breasts.

– Sit-ups during your abs session. Legs at a 90-degree angle and just pedal. Uh, yes.

The upsides:

– No clothing stress

– No sweat stains

– No see-through pants while squatting (very embarrassing)

– No camel toes in your way too tight leggings

– You also don’t have those miserable sports bras that are way too tight so your boobies are nicely snug in the cage.

– No stinky T-shirts.

– No mountains of dirty laundry.

Now you might laugh, but you can just go to our neighbors for an hour of naked sports. A personal coach in Southampton has recently started offering naked group classes. Helen Smith, a die-hard nudist, has room for ten people and offers circuit-style workouts that mainly include jumping jacks, sit-ups, and push-ups. At her very first class, young and old showed up. The reason she is pro-naked sports is that her athletes can precisely follow what she does during her exercises. ‘Doing a plank with wide pants or a T-shirt, for example, gives a wrong impression of the execution.’ Additionally, Helen wants to get rid of the modesty that many people have. ‘We are all equal and our bodies should be seen,’ says Helen.

Shall we go for a round of naked running in Vondelpark tomorrow?