NAVIGATION-IRRITATION

Listen. Assuming that I can't imagine life without an iPhone and would have been hopelessly lost without navigation apps. But still, there are moments when I long for those old-fashioned directions. The ones like: ‘after the third farm on the left, at the mill with the sign ‘fresh eggs’ turn right and go straight at the swimming pool.’ Now I do it all with my navigation app. All nice and well, but I have my question marks.

1. Go in a northeast direction

Dude. I'm in Delft and it's twelve o'clock at night. If I had known what north, east, south, or west was, I wouldn't have needed you, would I?

2. I can't hear you

I haven't changed anything in the settings, but suddenly my navigation app stops talking. The adage during driving lessons was ‘if-I-don't-hear-anything-I-keep-going-straight’ so if my navigation friend is silent, I keep driving straight. Which apparently wasn't the intention.

If I had known what north, east, south, or west was, I wouldn't have needed you, would I?

3. Love for B-roads

I was somewhere in Arnhem and instead of ending up on the A27, I ended up on the A1. Thanks to my navigation app, I indeed saw how beautiful the Netherlands was once again. But getting home quickly was another story.

4. Da f*ck what happens to your accent

For example, when I'm in Paris like now, my navigation app suddenly starts talking weirdly. Not French or anything, that would still be fun. But ‘Place de la Concorde’ it calls ‘Plees de la Concorrrrde’ and the old Dutch ‘direction’ becomes ‘risjting’. In an American way. But for no reason. And in the Netherlands, it lingers a bit. ‘Retsjaf’, ‘ritsjing’. Okeeee.

5. How's your geography?

Recently I had to go to Arnhem and I typed that in my hometown Haarlem. My route planner sent me past Schiphol, via Rotterdam. Luckily, I didn't sleep through geography and I do know that you reach Arnhem via Utrecht. But otherwise, otherwise...