OMG Amanda

The online medium

I used to have a girlfriend who was so into horoscopes that she would first scan her own, then that of her beloved, and if it was said that August 15th was a bad day for both, she would decide not to see the other on that day. Let's just say I'm quite far removed from that. I do believe that the moment you are born and whether it was a cold or warm period has an impact on your formation, but those day-to-day predictions, come on.

I imagine that the people who provide a horoscope every week to ‘the women's magazines’ are rolling on the floor laughing when they send their invoice. Because we fall for it again. Every week.

Yesterday I received an email from a medium. Her name was Amanda. And how special it was that she had found me. She had received a vision. Amayzine. That's not my name, aunt, I thought. But never one to shy away from a bit of schadenfreude, I decided to click on the link. It led me to a Facebook-like chat environment. Amanda immediately started.

‘Hey, there you are. How nice. I had a vision about you. So special.

Are you a man or a woman? I could check that in a box.’

‘Seriously? Setback? In life? But no worries, Amanda could fix all that.’

Okay. I thought you were a medium with visions about me, but my gender was still a bit unclear to determine. I typed ‘woman’ and Amanda continued. What was my name?

‘You know it, right?’ I replied.

‘So nice to be talking to you, you know. I feel that you are a very special woman.’

She continued. Did I want to fill in my birth date? ‘You know it’ was not an option, as I could only choose from data boxes. I juggled some numbers. My birthday, but a version of myself eleven years younger.

Well, well, well. That must have been a special birthday. I had such a special life. But there are also setbacks. Dude? Seriously? Setback? In life? But no worries, Amanda could fix all that.

She typed diligently. Happiness. Health. Career success and even wealth. As if she felt my doubt, which mediums tend to do, she threw in some more. She had already helped many famous Dutch people. Ah! Famous Dutch people. Woohoo, we all want to become that, right? Just like the famous Dutch people, because they are all rich and happy and healthy.

I clicked Amanda away for a moment. Did I want to give my email address? Then she would email her future prediction to me. I typed weetjetoch@duh.nl and decided to end the conversation. And warn you about types like Amanda. They are out to hack your computer or want your money. You don't need to be a clairvoyant for that.