What nobody tells you about being pregnant and giving birth

Amayzerzzzz, you have to listen. Many editors here in the editorial office (still) do not have children, but they had Big Questions about pregnancy and childbirth. So they sent me some pressing questions via email: after all, I am the mother of two boys (toddler S. and baby B.).

As you can see, I made the answers veeeeeery long. Bragging about what I know about pregnancy and childbirth is actually very good for your ego, I've noticed. Anyway, make sure to benefit from it. Just a quick important housekeeping announcement and disclaimer: this is just ‘cozy’ pregnancy and childbirth chatter from Renske. No scientist speaks here, I draw from personal experience, from Google, and from the experiences of my friends with children/pregnancies/childbirths. The general practitioner and midwife really know what’s what, so if you have any concerns or run into something: always consult one of them. But really.

1. We heard stuff about being on your period for a long time, tell?

I could hardly believe it myself, but after your delivery, you can lose blood for up to six weeks. However, this is not a period but lochia, where the uterine lining is shed. Some women even have huge clots in there, a kind of balls, that you practically have to squish down the shower drain. OMG, did I really say that? Yes, I really said that. Squish. Squish!
P.S.: Your actual period often only starts again after about 6 to 8 weeks, but it can also take longer. Breastfeeding suppresses the hormone ‘prolactin’, which is responsible for the buildup of uterine lining and your ovulation. This is of course necessary for the onset of a period.

2. Are you really wearing diaper-sized pads?

People! To catch the aforementioned bloody situations, that is indeed handy. I still remember being really shocked by the mattresses that the insurance provided in the ‘maternity package’: it really concerns a very long, thick pad, which you also keep best in place with the most ugly, but strangely enough DIVINE fitting grandma underwear. Personally, I walked around for weeks with the Mady from Zeeman.
I know. It's bad.

3. Do you really have leaking nipples and how does that work?

Okay, here it comes. Your body prepares itself during pregnancy to feed the baby, and that means your breasts gradually change into a potential milk factory. It can sometimes hurt a bit, by the way, and some women even leak a little milk from their nipples before giving birth. Once you've given birth and the baby has latched on, the factory really gets to work and milk production kicks in. During your breastfeeding period, you may leak milk more often. I sometimes suddenly found myself with wet spots in the bra, but then I discovered the so-called pads, actually a kind of thick cotton discs that prevent leaking. Drip. Drip. Drip.

Read here why Adeline doesn't want children.

4. What does it do to your bottom?

I don't even know if you want to know this, but too bad! Here it comes. It can be (note, it doesn't have to be) that your bottom doesn't look particularly glamorous right after giving birth. It can feel very ‘raw’ anyway – personally, I really felt like I was on fire down there right after giving birth – and sometimes you even have tears down under. After all, a whole HEAD has to go through that hole. Just try standing there as a vagina, moehaha. Anyway, in the end, my flamoes came out of the battle without major tears, but there are stories of women who had a fucking total rupture, where they tore from the vagina to the anus. Note, don't panic now, this sounds terribly horrific, but there are quite a few tips and tricks to reduce the risk of this. Moreover, a total rupture is quite rare. If it does happen, it is very intense and unpleasant, but at least the child is out – that's the most important thing – and the wound heals well according to the doctors. Want to know more about tearing? Read here on. Good luck.

5. Do you feel very full when you are pregnant?

Not everyone. I did, but especially at the end of the pregnancy, because my baby was sitting high. I had a pressing feeling around my stomach area, could eat less than usual, because there simply wasn't room for a full stomach. Which, by the way, didn't help at all with staying slim, because I just ate little bits all day long.

6. And do you feel empty when it's out? Can you press your belly with your finger (because it's still a bit ‘thick‘)?

When you've just given birth, you do feel a bit empty. Or better said: less heavy and massive. You finally don't have to lug around your body anymore. You feel light, sprightly and oh no, stop. You're often just still exhausted from the delivery and feel anything but vital. But really a bit lighter, you know! After a few weeks, you really feel (a little) like you used to. Your belly is still a bit thick and flabby for a while, but that goes away as time goes on and exercising helps too. WARNING! I never exercised after giving birth, so that's a problem. A problem, do you hear me? A problem of grotesque proportions, do you hear me?!

7. What is it like to have sex for the first time again, is it a different experience?

I found it quite okay, you know. In fact, I felt quite flexible again. It can take a while before you feel a bit in the mood again: you are, after all, goddamn tired from the sleep deprivation, and if you are breastfeeding, many women (at least I did) also don't feel like a parade regarding the breasts. Anyway, I say: think before you start. Furthermore, I recommend lubricant, because it needs to be made a bit smooth again down there.
However, I will now tell you the most personal thing: I have – especially after my second child – become a bit wider. You just notice that the gentleman has a bit more space down there.

Seriously, did I really say that again? Yes, I really said that again. I'm sorry. By the way, you can actually do something about this, but I say: then you really have to do it. And don't turn your nose up at the exercises you're given like I did (pelvic floor exercises. Very Important).

8. How does it feel to breastfeed?

Very cozy, very primal, very nice, very sweet, but there may also be moments when you find it a bit intense and STUPID. It can hurt (then you have nipple cracks or mastitis), and oh yes, it can be very tiring and time-consuming. The baby has only one goal and that is to grow. As a result: just feeding once a day (or ‘feeding’, as friend L. calls it) is not enough. You really have to feed the baby between six and eight times a day, often also at night. Regarding hunger like a horse, you know. But that does mean that you have to spring into action multiple times a day/night, even if you are tired, grumpy, exhausted, or whiny. The baby is completely dependent on your nutrition and that sometimes hit me hard. That's why I also occasionally started pumping some milk, so my partner could take over a feeding now and then. This way, I could then go out for a bit or catch up on some sleep.

9. And how do nipple cracks feel?

Painful, bitch. Painful. And I only had very small cracks. I don't even know what it's like to have real hardcore cracks. Anyway, I got rid of it very quickly thanks to a wonderful ointment (also because I was very timely) and that is Bepanthen. The most important mega tip, however, is that you inform yourself very well about how to properly latch a baby onto the breast (that doesn't always happen automatically, hatseflats, well). Properly latching a baby helps prevent cracks.

10. Did something suddenly change for you (hair style, curly hair)?

Tjakka. I had truly fantastic hair during my pregnancy, even when I was breastfeeding. Seriously, I didn't lose a single hair due to all the hormones, so it was thick and lush and model-like. Those were the days. But when I stopped breastfeeding, I lost a lot of hair. Oh, and after my delivery, I suddenly found out I had a shoe size bigger. A fucking shoe size! Apparently, it comes from a different position of my hips.

11. Why do you have cravings during your pregnancy and what was your weird craving?

First of all, I learned that during your pregnancy, everything is the fault of your hormones, except when it doesn't suit you, of course. My cravings? Here they come: Nutella (I went through whole jars with my name on them), eggs with a lot of Belgian mayonnaise, and oh yes, everything with coconut. At the top of the list was the coconut milkshake from McDonald's, I would do anything for that. When they no longer had it in stock at one point, I cried and sulked over to the coconut-lime yogurt from Danio. Furthermore, chocolate, and as a cherry on top, liters of milk. Super weird.

12. And finally: how does unconditional love for such a little one feel all of a sudden?

Very, very special and powerful. It's a ‘loving’ that I didn't know before, it's completely unconditional. But it is also intense to feel something like that, I thought. You immediately notice that you are tied to your child with a thousand invisible strings; only when your child is doing well, are you doing well. Example: when your baby cries, it really goes through marrow and bone, while the neighbor who is visiting might hear a soft little cry. Another example: many women sleep lighter than before. After all: you must ALWAYS be able to hear the baby if something is wrong, that's how nature thinks. I was always ‘on’, constantly mothering. I also found it really quite intense to realize that the child, that little bundle, is completely dependent on me. That you can't just give up and say: I've thought about it, and I think I'm better off as a single, full-time backpacker on a Thai beach. Toodaloo. It's for life. And that's good and beautiful and fantastic, but also HUGE.

Oh, just don't think that nothing else matters anymore. Just when you have a child, you sometimes really have the need to talk about something other than naps, feedings, the babysitter, cries, growth curves, drool, and the consultation office. Then you just want to talk about completely different things. Take President Trump and the refugee crisis, but also Gucci belts, cake, and that one cool new chair that you absolutely must have. Man, man, man, so important to talk about other things than your (fantastic) baby.

Well, that was it again. All the best with your leg and any babies. I'm going to continue typing about all kinds of Gucci things. Heerlok!

Speaking of Gucci: read our suggestions here)? I'm meanwhile scrolling through the first of the Monate like an addict through Elkes Nieuwsflix, but nothing, zip, nada. Even Netflix is acting suspicious... Quiet then. I want a sequel to my favorite and I want it now. But with a chronic shortage and the absence of rattling conversations, what gifts I want for my birthday!