Selling your house
(new style)
Yes, selling your house, it's a thing. A humongous thing. Anyway, your casa needs to look a bit nice in the photo, just read here how to do that in the normal way. By the way, that's the basics, because your mansion must at least be captured by a renowned cameraman. A bit of experience, they call it. But now it turns out that I'm completely approaching it wrong.
There's a nice little property for sale in Amsterdam. If you're interested, this house is located on the Singel (no, the Singel doesn't exist for Amsterdammers) and costs a mere 2.75 million. But yes, you can just park your Porsche in the underground garage and do yoga on your fountain. Excuse me? Yes, really. Or just stretch against your giant fireplace before you showcase those ballerina moves (because everyone has those, right?) on your oak floor. I'm completely approaching it wrong with my field bouquet on the table. Heule Makelaardij launched this property on Funda and immediately treated you to all the activities you can do indoors. So yoga in the fountain, ’Swan Lake‘ in an empty living room, stretching against the fireplace, doing your sports round on the stairs in the garden... Behind the modest façade (yes, I'm quoting the realtor) you'll find a dream house and I would check if you also get that ballerina in the bath.
A realtor in Amstelveen once posted a house on Funda that was such a mess that the entire local press stumbled over it. Look, there's no such thing as bad publicity. Hats off to the realtor. Yes, realtors and people do strange things. In the Visseringstraat, a man draped his wife on the bed. Grandma also went viral once because she was in every photo. And now there's a nice ballerina hanging by the fireplace on the Singel.
“In the Visseringstraat, a man draped his wife on the bed”
Because Amayzine has excellent realtor qualities, here are our most ingenious sales tricks for Funda:
- Randomly place a gi-gan-tic dildo on the nightstand. See who notices.
- Ensure a cuddly factor, so throw in a bunch of kittens or borrow that cute puppy.
- An incredibly attractive shirtless gardener, who is casually trimming the hedge (à la Desperate Housewives). Because the man pays, but the woman decides. And you immediately put her in photo one.
- Fill your house with a glimpse of famous Dutch people. Humberto in your kitchen stirring the tomato sauce, Chantal purring in the bedroom (because she stayed over) and you and Eva Jinek with a bottle of wine and a bowl of olives at the kitchen table. Meanwhile, Geer and Goor are filling your jacuzzi and sold that deal.
- Wrap your entire house in a pink, yellow, orange, or green haze. But just everything. Pink slippers next to the bed, the frames pink, your dish brush, the light switch, the wooden floor; EVERYTHING PINK. Or yellow or orange or green. One big psychedelic hysteria.
Good luck with the sale and let us know if it worked. Flowers and champagne can be sent to Pilotenstraat 21.
Source: AT5
Image: Heule Makelaardij
