Sexy sniffling

the best positions for when you have a cold

It’s just freezing outside, it’s pouring rain all day long and by 2 PM it’s already getting dark. Joe. With the harsh autumn inevitably comes a runny nose.

Anything but charming, unfortunately. Because a green slimy strand on your chin doesn’t exactly make any young man excited. Still, you can approach it smartly between the sheets, if you’ve downed enough ibu’s to be in the mood and don’t feel your pounding head. The show must go on, right? So quickly hide those 92 used tissues under your pillow and spread those legs, ladies.

• Look, always a good plan: the good old doggy. Because you can secretly grab that tucked-away piece of toilet paper with which you can quickly wipe your runny nose during the act. And: you don’t drip your unwanted bodily fluids on him, because he’s nice and safe behind you. And he doesn’t see you gasping for air because you can barely breathe. That helps too.
• Lying on the bottom is also an option. This way, you might only get some snot smeared over yourself. But if you keep your head a bit to the side, it’s all manageable. The only thing is that you might need to change your pillowcase afterwards. But hey, who cares when you’re so cold that your voice is a few octaves lower and you’re sweating like crazy under a blanket or scarf, but freezing when you don’t have a blanket or scarf around you? Exactly. Then changing it can be done too.
• Be really smart and drag your stallion to a bathtub. Or to a shower cabin. Steam everything loose and you’ve worked on your sex life again, hoppa. If that’s not multitasking. Moreover, all the released snot just washes down the drain. Win-win-win.
  Lick some honey off your flame to get more in the mood. Good for your throat and more fun than tea.
• Spoon is also an idea. At least you’re not breathing all the bacteria in his face and this way you can breathe a bit more freely. Because mind you: do everything, everything, except blow your nose when you’re in sexy position. That doesn’t even make an egg hard, let alone a penis.

Will you let him make you a bowl of soup afterwards? You’ve earned it, we think.

FACTS

• Although we often think it’s the same, we tell you once and for all: a cold is NOT the flu. With the flu, you really can’t get out of bed for a few days and believe us, then you really know what a general malaise is. Being cold is annoying, but it happens. If the symptoms of your cold haven’t disappeared after 10 days, there’s probably something else going on.
• There are more than 200 viruses that can cause a cold.
• Washing hands is the best way to avoid getting a virus.
• On average, adults catch a cold 2 to 3 times a year. Children even 6 to 12 times a year.