Happy & Healthy

STAY WITH HIM IF HE HAS CHEATED

I was 24 when I thought I was experiencing my worst heartbreak ever. My then-boyfriend, with whom I believed I would grow old together (hopeless romantic that I am), couldn't keep his hands to himself during a vacation with friends. And the girl who always said she would end it if it ever happened to her decided to stay.

It seems to be becoming a sort of trend: cheating. Maybe it's because of our current era where it has become so incredibly easy to meet someone else. You just need to download an app and poof, a world of dating material opens up for you. And that millennial mindset doesn't help either: always thinking that everything can be even better (the grass is always greener on the other side-bullshit), instead of putting energy into what you already have.

But anyway, you end up in a situation where your love has cheated with someone else. Of course, it’s up to you how you decide to deal with the situation. And the levels of cheating vary quite a bit, because a drunken kiss (not that I approve) is really something different than ending up in bed with someone else or consciously having an affair (physically or emotionally). I have no experience with the latter, so I don't think it's okay to talk about it, but suppose it happens to you and your guy has kissed or had sex with someone else, then here are a few tips on what I have learned from it. Maybe you'll find something useful:

1. Take a break

From each other. Take a little space to calm down, do fun things with your besties, and hang out on the couch at your mom's who will probably feed you well because she's afraid you won't eat otherwise. A few days without contact is good. You probably have the urge to discuss everything, but in the heat of the moment, you're going to say things you might regret later. So: take a break.

2. Ignore social media

Were you not an Instagram/Facebook stalker yet? The chances are high that you want to become one now because you want to know everything about the person with whom something has happened. Is she pretty? Is she popular? Does she have a better job than you? Is she very social? That kind of stuff. But just don't do it. You're going to feel even worse because of it. Don't forget: people only post the fun things in their lives, so often the image that you see isn't even real. And don't snoop through his accounts, looking at who his new friends are on Facebook and who he follows on Insta. If he really regrets his actions, then you should trust him not to do anything on social media that will hurt you even more. By the way, not just on social media, but in real life too.

‘To err is human; to forgive, divine.’

3. Leave the other person alone

And by the other person, I mean the one he cheated with. Believe me, it really serves no purpose to contact her and send all kinds of hate mail her way. Don't trust your guy (understandably) and want to hear her side of the story? Fine, but remain polite. Don't act like the crazy girlfriend, it doesn't suit you.

4. Don't think that you now have a free hall pass yourself

He may have cheated, but that doesn't automatically mean that you can also go out with someone else to ‘make it even’.

5. Forgive and forget

Forgetting is difficult, but if you decide to stay together, then it's not fair if you keep bringing up his mistake every time. Do you find that you can't help but talk about it every time? Then you need to think carefully about whether the choice to stay together is the right one.

Once the British poet Alexander Pope wrote: ‘To err is human; to forgive, divine.’ And that guys, is perhaps the greatest life lesson I have learned from it. Take it or leave it.

By the way, if you were wondering, the guy in question and I are no longer together. But that decision had nothing to do with his vacation antics.