The 5 types of drunks

Which one are you?

Let me take you back to a hip party at my gay friend W's place. All the well-known gays were in the living room. Also Stanley Burleson, the musical star I had seen perform Mr. Bojangles the day before at some live show. I didn't like it. Too polished. Too musical-ish and way too little Robbie Williams, my favorite version. But now I was at a party, had three (or actually four) glasses of white wine (which you this by the way didn't know about) and heard myself telling Stanley how wonderful I thought he was yesterday. And did I seriously say that I almost liked his version better than Robbie Williams'? No, right? I wasn't that spineless woman, was I?

Voilà, drunk type 1: the sycophant

Normally so fierce and full of opinions, but give this type three glasses of wine, gin, or whatever and they turn into a softie. You are handsome, she is sweet, and that neighbor is epic.

I must say, and I'm not saying this because I belong to this category myself, this type is actually quite nice to have around.

Drunk type 2: the pisser slash puker

What must be done, must be done. Peeing, even if you're in a church where a hip party is being held, this type pulls down their pants or lifts their skirt and lets it flow. Or they push the taxi window down and dump their excess stomach contents on the sidewalk. And back to the order of the night. And yes, I could go for another one.

Party danger: Look, these types really go for it. But my advice: make sure you leave before they do. Before you know it, you're standing there with a roll of kitchen paper in your hand.

Drunk type 3: the sleeper

That's secretly me too, once I've finished with drunk type 1. Wherever I am, I sleep. As long as I've had enough drinks. Restaurant, bar stool, on the back of a scooter, no problem at all.

Party danger: Oh, you don't have much trouble with them. But please tuck their tongue back in and push their jaws together every now and then. Sleeping is fine, but please make it a bit beautiful.

Drunk type 4: the fighter

You just have to snap your fingers and there's fire in the pan. Before you know it, a table is on its side and a chair is flying across the room. Or a couple is fighting and you're trying to calm things down.

Party danger: Big. Get out and don't invite them again. And if they are there anyway, secretly serve them non-alcoholic beer.

Drunk type 5: the gossip aunt

By day she seems so discreet, but once the cork is off the bottle, it all comes pouring out and you know everything.

Party danger: Nil. It's super cozy and intimate, and besides, you'll forget all those secrets by tomorrow anyway. Here by the way, here are five reasons why you should gossip more.