THE MOTHER OF EMBARRASSING BED SITUATIONS: THE VAGINAL FART
You all know by now: in the realm of sexual babble, I know no shame. So today it's time for the mother of embarrassing things during sex: the vaginal flatus.
Yes, I can't make anything else of it, but when it happens, it happens, and there's no stopping it: the moment air escapes from your vagina. It happens to almost everyone at least once (except Renske, by the way, because she looks at me like what is this about, but well, Renske is also the starfish in bed). Back to the vaginal flatus: many women experience it during sex, especially in doggy style, kamikaze positions where your legs are folded over your head or other acrobatics where an astonishing amount of air is ‘pumped’ inside you.
‘Sometimes the terror of the flatus goes a step further...’
The phenomenon of vaginal wind is related to the tightness of your vagina, the moisture, the depth of penetration, the size of your partner's penis, and especially how intense it all gets. If too much air gets into your vagina, it simply has to come out again, simple as that (yes, I have indeed researched this extensively – all during work hours, of course). And sometimes the terror of the flatus goes a step further. I recently talked about it with a friend who regularly does yoga, and it boils down to the fact that she hardly dares to go to yoga anymore because you guessed it: when she made a certain movement during yoga class, all the air decided to, uh, explode out with a crackling force.
The group looked at her, and while giggling, she mumbled ‘sorry’ (something about a trapdoor in the ground and wanting to sink through it), and at the moment she thought it was finally over, a minute later there was another grand finale of puffs. And really not soft, mind you.
Then her fellow yogis burst out laughing so hard that the poor dear, blushing with embarrassment, stormed out of the room and now has to look for a new yoga school.
I still can't keep it together with this story.
‘My pressing message?…’
Don't be ashamed! Especially when you're diving into bed with a new love for the first time, such an uncontrollable bodily sound is just not chill. But girlfriends, there's no need to be ashamed. After a round of research on the phenomenon, I stumbled upon a study showing that hardly any man finds vaginal farts bothersome. Some even see it as a compliment to their adventurous and exploratory way of making love. Because it doesn't happen during a game of starfish. Do you hear that? No worries. The best thing you can do in the embarrassing situation of a vagina fart? Just laugh about it together. Don't let that flatus hold you back from going at it like a Duracell bunny. Life is short, girlfriends. Surrender to the whims of your vagina, and you'll see: your sex life will be back on track... okay okay, sorry. My point is clear.
