The voice

The aftertalk (week 3)

Yes, damn it guys, last week I was wifi-less and goddammit without TV in Southern Italy, and now I'm sitting with my tight little butt in Barcelona and my flight was during Voice time. Goddammit II. But blood runs where it can't go, so I called my friends at RTL and asked if we could arrange something. Good. Some things had to be arranged, I had to sign a non-disclosure agreement, swear on the Bible, and promise that I wouldn't reveal anything, and then I received the magical link.

So there I was. In the category of privileged people. Behind my desk, far removed from the common folk who hadn't received the magical link, deliberately moving along with the music and laughing hard at Ali's jokes. So that everyone knew I was watching The Voice here. Coincidentally.

Anyway, now I'm no longer privileged, because now we've all seen The Voice. And that's ultimately the coziest, because now we can chat together. Let's go.

Haarlem

There is our first candidate from my hood Haarlem. What do we think of the sneakers? Are you saying he stood in the vanilla pudding? Don't be so funny, that's hip.

What would an extraterrestrial think stepping onto Earth for the first time and watching The Voice first? They would really think we are born with drawings on our arms, right?

Hatsekiedee, four in a row, It's just that you know Anouk would eat you alive and spit you out if necessary, but she can really look very sweet.

I always find that so special. How many people does Ali meet in his life? And then to recognize someone in such a different setting and still remember where you performed together. Cha-peau.

Nice that he chooses Sanne. And Anouk thinks so too. Will you still be my bitch, Anouk?

Ah, Aïcha Gill, she looks great. And she teaches musical theater, the same song my daughter is currently rehearsing. Have you ever had goosebumps in your hair? I have that now.

Anouk strikes first again. And rightly so. What a sweet little face Wendy has. And am I just crying behind my little desk? Yes.

Well, it's nice that Anouk doesn't pull the The Hague card to get Aïcha on her team.

Ah, Ali is going to give a little lecture. Think of a triangle where each point represents a letter. M stands for Material, A for Artist, and P for Person. Everything must be connected if you want to be successful. But, he adds: there are also unpleasant people who are successful, of which we have two examples sitting here.

Anouk gets instant short-circuit: “I'm not doing well.”

Waylon is sharp with his “Let's wrap it up instead of a triangle,” to which Anouk responds: “If you're going for that, for this insane bullshit...” And she chooses Ali. Ali-illuminati.

There we have Dachel Dominique. Ah, that's her stage name. How old did you say she was again? Ah, right, seventeen. Then you do need a stage name, yes.

No one has not yet, I realize. Then Dachel will probably be the first. Luckily she's in high school and can also become a doctor. Doctor Dachel sounds fine too.

Are you also afraid that this gerrrrompompom will stick in your head all weekend? I am too.

It's all a bit too exotic for me. A bit too rrrrrompompompom. Anouk adds: “I immediately put a big cross. I really tried not to yawn.” Anouk, I feel sorry for Dachel, but I can kiss you, you're so right.

Cindy comes on in her yellow jacket. Sang a lot, nice type too, but I shake my head no. No one is going to turn for this. That's what I say. No one. Vocally too tight in your jacket. I'm afraid this is the office chair effect, but I also feel like a jury member by now. Anyway. Now it's even off-key too. And there goes ANOUK. It can't get any crazier here. I can't even blame the wine.

Martijn is nice: Cindy says: “And now on to the battles. That's the next round.” Martijn responds: “That's right. Have you seen the show before?” That's nice.

There is Zoe Smith. Not my taste, but I do find it nice that she has managed to piece together the fragments of her parents' marriage with her music. As far as I'm concerned, she doesn't need to be in the corner, but please back on the couch. With her father. Not on my TV. I see three chairs turning. Thank God not Anouk.

Waylon wants to pick flowers with you. I don't know if your father will be happy about that.

Anouk challenges her to sing blues and now it's itching in my nose. That's a precursor to crying.

Nice of Waylon to call Anouk the best singer in the Netherlands. Although I think it's at least tied with Ilse, but that's tricky.

Did you also find it a difficult cuddle between Zoe's parents? And did you also struggle with the joke ‘nice blues you're wearing’ from her father? And Anouk didn't turn either, which is also reassuring.

There is Milan Velberg and he is really a TV talent. An original one-taker, a rumbling quote machine. But he has energy and is rewarded with a press of the button from Sanne and that's nice.

Ah, a couple. What am I saying? A married couple. And oh, how nice, they know each other from the musical Peter Pan. What about ‘me Tarzan, you Jane’? ‘Me Peter Pan, you Wendy’. If that doesn't make you feel frisky in your pants... And it continues. He proposed to her. As Peter Pan. And then they worked together on a cruise ship. Of course, Martijn brings up the Love Boat. But he's nice.

Do you also already feel sorry if one of the two doesn't go through later? I do too. Oopsie, Sander chose a cliché song. You shouldn't do that, they don't like it. And stay away from musicals here, they don't like it. How many times do I have to say that? Are you not reading this post or something? Anouk can hardly take it: “A bit too much empathy as far as I'm concerned.” The rest of the jury agrees with her. There falls the m-word. It was musical. Pure musical. And that's a very dirty word in The Voice.

Martijn supports backstage. Has he thought about his sentence: “I hope she doesn't let herself be thrown off balance”? Or did that just come up?

And Martijn, just in between: can you whisper me softly to sleep sometimes?

There goes Wendy, a.k.a. Lily Jane. That's going a lot better, but no one presses. Ah, Ali, finally. Those last seconds felt longer than my daily plank session.

You can say what you want, but Ali can make TV. Like the best.

I think Anouk and Sanne will become buddies, even though they don't have the same taste. Sanne finds Lily Jane cute and if she were a man, she would fall for her. Anouk counters. Men don't fall for cute? No, maybe not, but they also don't stay with the bitch. Did I say that?

Here comes a Masai from Nairobi who goes by the name Silayo.

And here comes another gem from Ali. There's talk of voodoo and Ali says: “This TV show is powered by Voodoophone.”

Then she introduces herself. “Shi-la-yo,” to which he responds: “A-li-B.”.

Gem two from Ali as Shilayo has to choose between Waylon and Anouk. That she can choose both because they were once a duo: The Common Linnets. I extremely love Ilse, but this is so funny.

There we have Teus van der Linden. He used to be in a boyband. And Teus is quite nervous. He has performed for an audience of 30,000 people, but still finds this exciting. Hey Teus, are you going to act like Mick Jagger here?

And there we have Toon, and thank God Ali doesn't make the Toontje higher or Toontje lower joke. Toon wipes away his tears and I think it won't be long before his next girlfriend shows up.

Gem from Ali: “You're a special appearance, huh, with your hair. Geert has to dye that, right?”

A little interlude: what a sparkling party The Voice is. Everything growls and bubbles. Everyone delivers. Every jury member, Martijn and Wendy, and especially the direction and editing. Although I do have to give the latter a little corrective tap on the fingers, because I think you're teasing for the commercial break with jury reactions that I didn't hear after the break. Shame on you, old stinky creatures, I've got you figured out.

Waylon is going to sing a bit. Can I, for my birthday or something, order an episode of The Voice where Waylon does all the blind auditions himself? Then I'll turn around every time. I promise.

See you next week, nice Voice friends.