The voice

The naklets (week 4)

Yes, we are back. This time in a slightly expanded variant (something with a birthday child and children who kept sticking around, the most fun) and everyone singing along loudly with the leader. Who says linear television watching is out of fashion? Nothing is cozier than this. Here we go.

Martijn has another funny joke, as my daughter calls it. “Your mother is shining, that’s why you must have put on your sunglasses.”

Daughter on the left asks why Anouk always wears that same T-shirt. I explain that the auditions are recorded in one day and then edited together. I think she gets it. From the battles onwards, the jury wears a new outfit every week, I promise that.

There we have Vington who started singing in the kerruk in the community. He hasn’t learned to tuck his shirt into his pants. But oh well, who cares, it’s the blind auditions after all. Anouk does a little forward and turns. The only one.

On the couch, a discussion arises about the viewing window where the family of the auditionee can see everything. Someone thinks it’s a shame, I find it extra fun, a development.

Rose Marin comes on and I suddenly blurt out an “oh wow.” No one turns and I’m afraid they’re going to say she’s copying someone too much. Then I hear my beloved say that he finds it very bad (as in: poor) and I also feel a dip.

Tina Roma finds Jamai among the lettuce leaves. It really seems like a ghostly sight that you expect a tasty bite and see Jamai’s head lying on your table. And maybe Jamai should also take a bite out of a lettuce leaf more often. Or lick it.

Ah, there is Katharina Wildenbeest (delightful name) with her mesjpoge. They certainly don’t know each other from Weight Watchers. Katharina’s mother doesn’t like her singing at all. “Well, you have to love it,” mom puts it into perspective. Katharina talks to herself: “I have to do what I always do.” “Eating bitterballen?” someone jokes. I say that this joke is REALLY not okay.

But then. Then Anouk moves. She sways. Back and forth. To the beat and so on. This is a preliminary stage of turning. And yes: she goes. She turns. Anouk! Ali lets her run to her coach. Luckily, that’s just a short distance.

You shouldn’t use Tina as a wake-up sound. It definitely won’t work with Ali. Hey, Ali. Hey. Suddenly everyone turns. Except for Sanne. She’s the only one still somewhat sane. I found it so boring. Beautiful, but boring. We’re going into the commercials. Only after that will we know who Tina I’m-just-going-to-follow-my-feeling from Krimpen aan den IJssel will choose as a jury member. There are few things in the world that interest me less if I’m honest, but luckily the girlfriend (now ex, haha) of Thomas Berge is thrown into the mix. And does she really call her boyfriend a big name in music now? Ooooh, I just love The Voice so much.

Quickly pee, fill the glass and continue.

Sebastiën van Dorp comes on stage. And Sanne is again Sanne is again Sanne. “When you started I really thought: I find this completely crap, but later I actually found it fucking beautiful.” And Waylon continues: “It sounded like I was listening to a Kensington record. And that’s a reason for me not to press.” Ah, Kensington is apparently the new musical. And that’s not a compliment.

Ah, Cassidy. Did her parents really name her that or did she brainstorm with Thomas Berge (no, Chiel Ottink) in the shower? Because they do more things together there. Like singing. I’m so incredibly curious, but really so incredibly. What I find unfortunate, a point for the makers, is that she says she sings for her mother and wants to go further, but I miss the story of her mother. What’s happening? Tell me when you plant a seed. That would have given her more depth that she could really use.

There she goes. And there she goes. From front to back, from left to right. My. Heaven. I really feel a bit sorry for the jury’s ears (Anouk says: “Fucking hell,” but that ain’t no compliment. Anouk is becoming my new Maarten van Rossem). Martijn tries to make it right with a “She’s in it.” But in what, Martijn? In the tunnel down? Part two of the song really gets better, but the suffering has been endured. Cassidy can go home again. Didn’t Anouk even see her nice (that must be said) jacket. Anouk wants to go home. “I just want to sleep.” You still fit on our couch, you know.

And go for it, Cassidy, you’re pretty and sweet and have taste. Except when it comes to men, but you have to see it this way: from now on, everything can only get better.

There we have Deborah. I find her pretty and funny and well-dressed and then she also chooses ‘Stil in mij’, one of my favorite songs that I have a warm memory of because they played it at the funeral of a loved one.

Can I just say in between that The Voice could very well last half an hour less for my part? I love it, but it feels a bit like I’m eating chips for a long time. At ten o’clock I keep thinking: it’s been nice. The jury might think so too, because however much I like Deborah, this audition was at the level of the girl from 6 vwo who sings the lead role in the end-of-year musical. But maybe the acoustics in the hall are different and better and I don’t know anything about it anyway, of course.

For Ali, I looked up the definition of tierelantijntje. Here it comes: ‘Attached ornament, a trinket, insignificant.‘.

And then for completeness, let’s also clarify what we understand by prullaria. ‘Various trifles of questionable quality or products with a short lifespan.’

A tierelantijntje is not for sale, prullaria are.

Mama Maud is the only one at home who is not bothered by her singing. Ah, that starts off well. Her brother finds Maud’s singing ‘irritating’. And there we have the singing teachers, how cozy. Classrooms opposite each other and just sing. Only a pity that one is just a bit better than the other.

Maud starts. Did she borrow Cassidy’s jacket? She can always work as a model. And Waylon turns, I wish her that. Sanne didn’t turn because she heard she was young and then she becomes a sort of mother. “And nobody is happy about that.” I dare to doubt that, Sanne.

Waylon wants Maud to develop that very pure thing that no one has reached yet. “You haven’t either, right,” says Sanne. Waylon, we’re watching you.

“If that girl had stayed alone when she started, I would have pressed,” says Anouk. How do we explain that to the teachers?

When Gin Dutch (can I order that somewhere tonight?) is chosen, she is so taken aback that she can’t say a word. “Just don’t choose Miss Montreal, because that will be a very long conversation.” Ali is awake again.

But Martijn and Wendy save the best for last: Aïrto from Zwolle. The man who said no to Usher and regretted it so much that he wanted to stop with music altogether. Also because he had to earn money for his little one. But in his attic room, he wrote the song ‘Tears’ and then Aïrto thought he really wanted to continue in music. Sniff. And he is allowed to perform that song by high exception (Martijn: “The first in history, we never do original songs.”). If that doesn’t become Tears! Family included, little one on the arm… Sniff. At the first line, Anouk already firmly hits the button, closely followed by Sanne. Ali B sputters a bit and lastly Waylon turns, while his eyes say to the camera: I can’t handle so much vocal power.

The only strange thing I find: Aïrto chooses Sanne as his coach, while Anouk really discovered him first. Who cares. It’s just like Hollywood at The Voice: happy ending and all’s well that ends well. Sniff sniff. Until next week!