The Voice

The Naklets (week 5)

You should know that I'm not such a loyal viewer of The Voice. Yes, I know, I should be ashamed. By the way, I always read May's Naklets, so I hope you'll give me some credits for that. I really have had my share of Voice hours in my life, and that of The Voice Kids too, by the way. Now I mainly catch the pre-blind audition on Radio 538. They always send a candidate through on Friday mornings. I suddenly found myself crying hard in the car yesterday morning. Really, the tears streaming down my cheeks. It's good that I had a bit of traffic, because I couldn't see any traffic lights through the tears. They had sent Demi, so I had no chance with my watery eyes. If you were watching last night too, then you know what I mean.

But what am I doing here then? This week I'm taking over May's duties. A great honor, because she always watches with la grande familia, so I'm already in the minority. May went all fancy in a gala for the Krajicek Foundation yesterday. Just so you know how that works. Back to The Voice, which I watched especially for you. Hands on the buttons, chairs turned: let’s go.

Heavenly, not to be confused with Heavendy. According to her mother, she's doing well. I think so too, with her fro. How cool is that? Ali and Anouk tap the buttons at the last breath and she's through. Ali B feels a connection because of the place of residence and rambles on about carpooling and living just a bit more expensively. So surprise, surprise: Heavenly chooses Anouk.

As I just said, I missed TVOH for a bit. Therefore, I'm extremely distracted by that viewing window. Artis is nothing compared to this.

The Dutch cupsong, I almost forgot it existed. Almost. It seems like a thing that you have to pull out that cupsong again at every birthday, but Iris smiles and cups a bit for Martijn. Very sporty all. Luckily, she still punishes him with a little ‘u’, ha. I didn't see 'Kleine Jongen' by Hazes coming, but she sings it pure. And neat. I agree with the jury, because they also find it a bit boring and a bit too snore. Ali makes her laugh and cry, because he turns it again. Anouk could have made it a bit more raunchy. Personally, I also think this song should smell like beer and, even though I've quit, a cigarette. But girl, what does it matter, you're in.

Did you also have the urge to dance through the living room with a bag of chips and a bottle of wine? I did. Anouk too, I saw it in that shoulder move she made. Does it matter to me that Kevin is the backside of the rhinoceros in the musical The Lion King? Or big grass. Or the grass field. That friend of his didn't hold back in volume in the glass box along the sidelines of the studio, holy guacamole, what a sound. Waylon presses, but found the high note a bit exaggerated. Sanne was charmed, but Anouk runs off with the prize. I told you: that shoulder move. And ‘why backing?’; indeed, Wendy. What a nice hip dance you did in between, by the way.

Enter Jaclyn born in the USA, who gives the evening an orange tint. Orange dress, orange lip, a bit of opera in between and then she suddenly sings Natasha Bedingfield. For a moment, I want the coaches to press because her family is so adorably swaying and making an American cheer. Sanne underscores her performance with a ‘just not’ and presses. Okay, blink blink. Hello, Sanne? Did I go to the bathroom and come back to a different audition? No way. Anouk gets the giggles because Sanne stubbornly continues in English. But she lets Anouk have her fun. Martijn concludes this peculiar performance with the words: ‘I’m just a random passerby.’ And so it is.

And then Jamai suddenly stands in your living room with his confetti cannon. Do you know how long you have to vacuum that? Lindy is not the dullest and imagines herself unobserved in the back of the car while putting on a trendy shirt, military jacket, and her favorite jeans, but unfortunately, the cameraman was along. The girlfriend in the middle of the back seat just confirms again why you should never sit there. You get old-fashioned wide-legged reports from that. Lindy gives a shout-out to her ex, Waylon thinks it's again about him. No, Waylon. Oh, a little news bulletin in between: Waylon is with Bibi. You know, from Oh Oh Cherso. Yes. Really. I didn't see that coming either, but that's often the case tonight. Meanwhile, Lindy leaves the stage without results. Thank goodness some gas costs were saved by Jamai's driving skills.

Nina the rock chick does some Muse. I think it's bold to have both Waylon and Sanne and Anouk sitting on the chairs. Ali doesn't seem like a Muse man to me. I immediately plead for transparency in the jury reports during my occasional appearance as your reporter, because I really want to know what Waylon scribbles on the paper. Anina, uh Nina, sounded to him like someone wanted to grab her. Sanne, always sharp, at least doesn't do it to you. Out of sheer desperation, Nina then chooses Anouk, who immediately starts looking for a fight with her. Hey, cozy. As a bonus, you can never come to Ali's birthday party. Which is a shame, because I suspect that Ali and his friends have particularly entertaining parties. I wouldn't say no to an invitation.

I wannaaaa fly away-he-he-hey. Right behind Anouk out of the studio if possible. Casita stood behind Beyoncé, for a reason, it turns out. The background specialty is in the runs and the loops and that sounds less pleasant as a solo. Or as Anouk says what we think: ‘Jesus Christ.‘ Not nice, but honest... Didn't you just go with Sanne Hans to see who had the longest breath? Yes, you did.

Meanwhile, Jamai is wandering through the Rijksmuseum for his latest program Art Fart. I opt for this program to make it to the screen: cultural entertainment at a high level. The musical content is particularly high this evening, because Jeroen was also on stage in a Disney: Beauty and the Beast this time. I find him a bit too sweet for that. Waylon is now in the running as the anti-press of the evening, but suddenly he does it anyway. He wants Jeroen. Jeroen doesn't want him. Anouk doesn't want him in turn. Ali thinks his name is Robert. Sanne is the laughing third and drags him into her stable. Probably with a scary The Voice of HolHand. Ha. Sweet dreams, Jeroen.

No broadcast without some refined gospel. Soraya sang once at the EO Youth Day. Blast from the past, because back then the pious half of my high school class also went there to sing to the Lord. Soraya continues the orange theme tonight with her jacket and a somewhat tight black top. Nitpicker, Waylon wants her.

Adu with, yes, orange glasses raps onto the stage. I recoil a bit on the couch, the jury recoils a bit at that one false note you probably heard too. It ain’t my fault. Correction: it is. Adieu Adu.

The best is saved for last by the makers. A case of knowing for sure that the viewers will last two hours. I'm thinking about starting a Demi fan club. Tissues on the table, lighter in the air, and just sobbing. Bam, Ali, bam, Waylon (nice touch with that leg), bam, Sanne, bam, and there's Anouk too. Waylon wants to discover the blues with you, but he somewhat cowardly backs off at Ali's conquest attempt, who lets Vincenzo earn back his invested euros. Demi falls in love, we all fall in love with Demi and with Vincenzo's vocals. It works. Unfortunately, Anouk doesn't have a stable full of boys, but maybe you'll get warm from girls? Ali gives another push with that he also has an Ali-bi for you in that case and Demi is ready.

Forgive me for being so long-winded, but the makers of TVOH are too, so you're probably used to that. May, I'm handing the baton back. And now let's hope I don't dream about The Voice of HolHand tonight.

PS: I'll be watching again next week, I promise.