Why it’s not a big deal if the ‘butterflies’ have fluttered out of your relationship

Getting butterflies when a message from him appears on your screen. OMG. HE FOUND IT NICE. Sending back heart heart, quick.

Nervously changing your outfit 34 times when you’re ‘just going out for a bite to eat’. Even comparing a paving stone with your amore because you think of him with every step you take. Heart heart, poekie snoetje.

Being in love is something special. You have ZERO hunger, you can’t concentrate, sleep poorly, and are intensely happy when you’re with him. You only want to be with him. That’s enjoyment. You think it will never be different than this. That it will always stay this sweet. Oh.

Because, then. He remains fun, it gets serious, it becomes an official relationship with lounging on the couch and eating chips instead of going out for dinner in tight red dresses. It becomes playing Rummikub with his grandma on Sundays instead of spontaneous nights in Antwerp. It becomes doing the household together instead of spending weekends discovering each other in bed. In short: the butterflies flutter away. The pink cloud blows over. The intense I-can’t-hang-up-before-you-no-you-first infatuation packs its bags.

That is actually logically explainable. Because when you are in love, your brain produces substances that make you very happy, like dopamine. You also produce more adrenaline in your head, which automatically gives you more energy. This decreases when you are together with someone for a longer time: just a matter of getting used to it. The honeymoon period is over and then good old camaraderie takes its place. You suddenly become each other’s best buddy. That is worth a lot. Much more than a fleeting hormone rollercoaster, believe us.

So that’s why you don’t need to worry if the infatuation fades. It happens to e-ve-ry-one. Passion is for beginners, hardly seeing your girlfriends is for amateurs, having sex five times a night is for kids. When you’ve been together longer, you have less sex than at the beginning, you have fewer hormones racing through your body, and you can eat and sleep just fine again. Goodbye tight figure. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. On the contrary: just consider yourself rich. It’s actually only a good sign if you’ve reached this phase.

So: onesie on, sitting on the couch together watching cozy series and eating French cheeses. Without kissing in between. That’s really love.

FACTS

– According to researchers, the duration of a pink cloud averages 13 months and 7 days. About 1/3 of the relationships fail after 6 years of living together.
– Falling in love – or being sure that you can fall in love with this person – happens surprisingly quickly. According to psychologists, you know within a fifth of a second whether you can be in love with this cutie or not.
– 55% of women hope that a man brings a flower on the first date.