Why you are ruined forever if you have flown with Emirates just once
‘Flying with Emirates? Ah chill, have fun!’ I think it was said to me about eight times when I flew to Dubai last week. Have fun? I almost started to wonder if free Gucci bags were being handed out on board. Why is everyone so enthusiastic about the airline? And why have I never flown with them in God's name? Embarrassing. You get it: that had to change. After some serious field and air research, I can say that flying with Emirates (especially on the A380) is totally the shit. And this is why:
The decor
Look, we’re going to lock ourselves in a cabin full of dry air for the next few hours, so if we’re going to do that, let’s do it in style. From the moment you step onto the plane, everything looks just a bit more streamlined, fresher, and more modern. The flight attendants? All attractive brunettes. Snow-white teeth. Cheerful too. And those outfits, oh so cute. Did I already mention that those lilac seats are totally my color?
The service
For years, I’ve been the leader of Team Aisle. But that’s just not chill when you want to make a takeoff Boomerang. No biggie, they just get it at Emirates. Did I want to use one of the crew members‘ seats during takeoff? Sure, just for a moment. Or had I thought about the timelapse feature on my iPhone? Followed by a ’this is how you should hold your phone for a nice result.’ Okeeee, not ready for takeoff and already a fan.
The service 2.0
Never seen this in my life: the staff hands out all sorts of craft kits, stuffed animals, and gifts to entertain the kids on board. Gifts!
The service 3.0
When I started talking to the flight attendants about that funny little hat with the sash, I had one on myself a minute later (and, I can totally apply for a job if I say so myself. Check this Instagram photo for a moment). My boyfriend got the pilot's cap on and a minute later everything was captured on a Polaroid camera. I can’t handle this, it’s so fun.
The economy seats are business class worthy
Okay, I’m exaggerating. But let’s at least keep it at Economy Comfort. Those seats can 1: recline much further than a ‘normal airplane seat’ into a sort of half-reclined position, are 2: equipped with an extra large blanket (made from recycled plastic) so you’re never cold again and C: goodbye to those annoying earplugs for your entertainment system, we’re moving on to the good stuff in the form of an Emirates headphone that doesn’t hurt your ears after an hour.
The food
Food. Consuming. With. Normal. Cutlery. Need to say more? Yes, actually. Because we received a menu with our three-course feast. A Greek salad as a starter, slowly cooked beef with rosemary and seasonal vegetables as the main course, and to finish it off, a triple chocolate explosion in the mouth. And I can tell you: if economy airplane food can be like this, I wonder, eh, what kind of astronaut food I’ve been eating all those other years (yes, flying with a budget airline is ein sehr slecht idee).
The entertainment system
Man man man. The screen in the seat in front of you is almost the size of a Macbook. You can check the latest news, watch live television, surf the internet for the first two hours for free, and with a swipe of your credit card, you can call home with the satellite phone in your seat.
The toilet
That thing is huge by airplane urinal standards. The toilet seat is made of wood. There’s a toilet water with amber, mandarin, and sandalwood to step off the plane feeling a bit fresh. There’s a long mirror to see your entire outfit. And if you’re even about to steal the soap dispenser from the toilet, then you know something is really wrong.
Okay, just about that suitcase then…
After this, it’s done, you hear. I just want to talk about the luggage. When you fly economy, you’re allowed to take thirty kilos as standard. I shit you not. In business even forty. Do you know how many SHOES that are?! Have you figured it out yet? I’m spoiled. Forever.
