54% of women are ashamed of sex toys

Friend P had a filler injected into her lip and a small clot had formed there. Friend M said she needed to go back to the clinic. They would massage it away with a vibrator-like device. “Well, I can do that myself,” P said triumphantly, adding just a bit louder after a short pause: “Which one should I take?” Oh yes, we were in the middle of a restaurant.

Friend P clearly does not belong to that 54% of women who are ashamed of their sex toys. This is evident from British research among 1000 women. Not only are they ashamed of it, but they also hide the toys from their partner. And that is of course ridiculous, and here’s why.

1. In the name of emancipation

Come on, say. We want the same job, the same salary, voting rights; everything, everything, everything. But orgasms, we should be ashamed of those? Come on now.

2. He likes it too

I have never heard of a man who found it offensive that his girlfriend involved a sex toy in the ‘love play’. Never. We think that, but they all find it wonderfully varied and exciting. It doesn’t mean you don’t want him anymore, it’s a bonus. And if you have a man who indeed finds it threatening, then I think that’s a nice sign to say: greetings at home, the door is there.

3. For variety

Change of taste does food. If you’re not careful, you’ll find yourself every time in missionary position puffing together a Chanel bag (sorry, this one is from Fred van Leer: legs in the air and just think of that Chanel bag) because everything happens on autopilot and you’re not enjoying it anymore. Pull a Heleen van Royen and rummage through that drawer of fun.

4. They are from Sonia Rykiel and Saint Laurent

I still remember that a girlfriend and I found a beaded skin-colored dildo in the drawer under her mother’s bed. That seems to me the best contraceptive of all time, because the desire for sex really disappears within seconds. But now, now there is so much fun. The much-discussed Womanizer, but also the designer sex toys from Sonia Rykiel (speaking of real feminists), and for the latest inventory from designer paradise Colette in Paris, there were even BDSM whips from Saint Laurent. If that’s your thing...

I say it all so nicely, but I’m not that brave either. Long, long ago, a TV friend of mine made the show Sex for the Buch. When he came over for dinner with his girlfriend, he brought me a BDSM chain set instead of a box of chocolates or a bouquet of flowers. I found it a hilarious gift, but at the same time terrifying. What if the cleaner found it or if I unexpectedly passed away and they found this while cleaning my house? I had never used it because BDSM is not my cup of tea, but still. What would my mother think?

When I moved in with someone and started selling my unnecessary items on – then still – Queen's Day, the BDSM set was also on the rug. And guess what? It was the first to go. Sold to a proud, heavily pierced BDSM enthusiast who happily jumped into the crowd with my chain set. Look, I, and with me 54% of women apparently, can still learn a lot from that.