7 crucial mistakes you don't want to make in Siberian cold
We Dutch are bad at doing extremes. When the cosmos suddenly decides that we could use some Siberian cold, we go a bit crazy light. We start telling each other for a week that it will be Siberian cold, for example, while hardly anyone knows what that actually is… Siberian. In any case, I hardly encounter any Siberia-goers. But to ensure that we don't act crazier than necessary, things you better avoid at minus ten:
1. Going outside with wet hair
Do you usually let it dry naturally in a nice breeze? Think again, that can't happen now. You'll get instant Arctic hair from that. Not that I've ever been there, but I can picture those frozen strands breaking at the root, and eyelashes freezing together.
2. Scraping windows without gloves
Stupid, stupid, stupid. A quarter of an hour later, my fingers still didn't know they were holding my steering wheel; it was just my brain sending the signal. And then suddenly they tingle, you know, the itchy kind. The problem: my de-icing spray (yes, this exists) was empty, and then you suddenly have to scrape. Thank goodness my love had left a scraper in my car, otherwise I would probably have had to use an old CD case to get started. But back to the gloves, I have no idea where those things are hiding.
3. Wearing skirts
They're just life-threatening. Period. With skirts, urinary infections are included, and with dresses above the knee too, by the way. Siberian cold calls for layers upon layers upon layers. And don't forget that you have to start with thermal wear. No overheating guaranteed, but it's still too icy to take off your clothes. So: so be it. Really, no one thinks: oh, what a nice short skirt she has on at minus eighty. Everyone thinks you've gone cuckoo.
4. Shopping, shopping, shopping
You read that right: going shopping is a bad plan. That I would ever advise against shopping is a miraculous thing, because normally I see it as a solution for everything. But you're already stuck with your head in 15+ while your body is screaming for a thick coat against a feels-like temperature of minus 10. What do you get from that? Bad purchases. Very strange purchases. Or a schizophrenic shopping cart in the online shop. A nice light pair of shorts for summer, a duvet coat for now.
5. Sitting on cold toilet seats
Men have it easier, but really, whatever the temperature does to the size. We sometimes just don't dare to go to the toilet because you risk freezing to the seat. So cold that you'd rather pull your pants back up in the heated hallway, even though that's also the men's room, yes.
6. Moving your friends
Guess what I'm doing today. How do you come up with the idea of switching houses in Siberian cold? Hello? Anyone? I foresee liters of hot chocolate with rum, lots of rum. Or a hypothermic version of myself. I'm now getting visions of frozen mammoths and Ice Age, just so you know.
7. Not talking about a possible Elfstedentocht
If you refuse this, then you're just a non-Dutch person. The hope, the glory, that cracking ice, the idea of an Elfstedentocht starts at two days of minus two, but takes on ice-measuring forms at Siberian. I'm just saying: the ditches and canals in Friesland will freeze over this weekend. Hoping for eleven cities.
You know what? Staying inside is also just allowed on the weekend. These are your options, something with Netflix.
