7x Why voicemail should be eliminated
Oh, how happy we once were. A mobile phone. Goodness, that was something. ‘And do you always have to answer?’ asked the grandfather of my beloved after he had first suspiciously walked around the device three times. He thought it was something that answering didn't always have to happen. That there was also something as ingenious as voicemail. You could leave messages on it and then listen to them at a later time.
That was something, back in 1993. Now we are 25 years further. Everything has changed. The phones are smaller. The devices encompass our entire lives. Texting is passé. We use apps. But voicemail, that still dates back to the Neolithic. Nothing, absolutely nothing has changed about that. So it has to go. I give you seven compelling reasons.
1. ‘This is the voicemail of’
Listening to that, guys, takes a quarter of an hour. First, you have to dial in, then it tells you that this is the voicemail of number blahblah. Yeah, dude, I know what my own number is. And I'm also sharp enough to know that I'm listening to my own voicemail. I don't often listen to someone else's voicemail.
2. Old messages
Yeah, yeah, bring on those messages, I'll notice it myself. But no, she also has to tell me how many old messages I have. What do I care about that? I've already listened to those. Get rid of that junk.
3. First the new ones
We first play the new messages. Yes, that seems right to me. That you first play the new messages. And what about ‘play’? Such an eighties expression. Are you pressing a play button or something, Ms. Voicemail?
4. Well, here we go
First new message. Yeah, yeah, I didn't expect you to start with the second new message. Message received yesterday at (DON'T CARE) from number 06-blahblah (DON'T CARE II, I can tell from the message who it is). Let's get on with it. Play that stuff.
5. Next new message
Repeat everything from point four with built-up irritation.
6. Now we will play your old messages
That's really nice but that's not necessary because I HAVE ALREADY LISTENED TO THEM.
7. And why can't I skip between messages?
Dear voicemail, it pains me to say this but you are redundant. We have WhatsApp. We have voice messages that we can listen to and forward without introduction, number, and time indication. It's fast, easier, and more pleasant. I can immediately record a message without the ‘risk’ of someone answering, because we no longer have time for a whole conversation.
I still have it, because having no voicemail seems rude and inhospitable to me. But if people just don't think that I do what I say. ‘If you leave a message after the beep, I will call you back as soon as possible.‘ Maybe I should add: ’in case I listen to it.‘ And that, dear people, is a unique and rare occurrence.
