Can we talk about the bare-bottom trend for a moment?

And about those panties that are so pleated?

I'm not a butt woman. I don't mean to say that I don't find butts beautiful; I can appreciate a good backside. Right now, it's about my butt. Pay close attention, because I normally don't talk much about this body part, as there is censorship on it.

God blessed me with the breast, but not with a butt. Of course, if I gain weight, then the butt becomes more present, but as soon as I lose weight (and exercise, I still exercise) there's not much to Kardashian about back there. And I find myself in a completely wrong century for not being a butt woman. Butts are everything, butts are everywhere, butts are the bomb. That's the idea I get, at least. You might as well leave your breasts at home, because you only participate if they fit in a strapless little thing. In short: butts are in, breasts are out. That's why we need to talk about the bare-bottom trend and to be more precise: about the bikini bottom.

The bikini bottom leaves little butt to guess on Instagram. Yes, on Instagram indeed, you often see this issue there. What happens? The bikini fabric is pulled up firmly, almost over the love handles (if you have those, joejoe) and towards the waist. Then you think that the bottom is unflatteringly crumpled between where the light doesn't shine and that you don't want that, but you actually do want that, that's completely the idea of the bikini bottom nowadays. The higher, the more folds, the more triangle, the better and buttier it is all considered. And I find that complicated. I can't imagine that a) it sits comfortably, that you b) look better without Photoshop, and that you c) don't first walk around looking ridiculous with two of those white butts. Right? Because you have to let the buns tan somewhere first and the tanning bed is also out as soon as it can be.

So now you know, for when you're going to score such a perfect swimsuit: it has to sit between the butts. I don't promise that I'll join in, but I think I get a free pass for this trend with mine. Or if someone could let me know when breasts are allowed again, maybe something like that would suit me better. Until then, I'll just hide my backside in something that doesn't crumple.

Image: Pinterest