What I hear myself saying now that I'm exercising again
After years back in a gym , that brings things to life. It feels a bit awkward, as if the teacher is sending you outside because you actually can't do it. But by now I've been three times, I was allowed to stay every time, and that does things to you. Suddenly you speak sports language. I'm-going-to-the-gym language. Just listen.
“No, I'm skipping this heavenly cake for now because I exercised today. Aaaaaah.”
I say to the red velvet cake with a fifty-centimeter diameter on my desk. I just reintroduced myself to myself. At the end of the afternoon, I immediately drive to the therapist for a thorough check-up of my mind.
“May, do you want a delicious protein shake too?”
I feel so intensely sporty as I return to the editorial office, panting (running is out of the question) with a bright red face and a drink that perfectly matches. Not exactly sexy, but apparently sporty.
“I'm just not made to do push-ups.”
That's what I mean. Just last week, I thought no one was made to do push-ups, now I only think that about myself. That's because May just hooked her right foot around her left when she did her push-ups exactly on the second. Holy guacamole.
“Let's see how many steps I've taken today.”
Because I also fitbit. Last weekend, I was shocked because the thing suddenly started shaking and vibrating around my wrist. It has never done that since I got it from Simone for safekeeping. Apparently, I'm breaking records. Since I started exercising, right?
“Yes, the new collection of sports outfits from H&M indeed looks amazing.”
I've never looked at more than a pair of joggers on Hennes' site to hang out on the couch, but now I see lines on shorts, ergonomic socks: everything.
Also in the category on the body: “Honey, I need to do a sports wash for tomorrow.”
A sports wash, I had no idea such a thing existed. You mainly have this in the beginning when your sports wardrobe consists of one pair of pants and two shirts and you get the crazy idea to go today and tomorrow. That leads to sports washes.
“Have you booked your lesson yet?”
In two weeks, I have become a completely different person. Normally, I book vacations or a table at a restaurant like crazy, now I book lessons at the gym.
“So I bought really cool boxing gloves.”
Really, as if I'm showing off my new cowboy-esque boots. I'm cuckoo.
And not to forget… “God, my glute muscles, my abdominal muscles, my poor arm muscles, my neck muscles, do neck muscles exist?”
Never. In. My. Life. So much. Muscle pain. Had.
