Everything I am not yet 30 years in
In 11 obvious facts
And I am 31 years and 5 months, so something is definitely going wrong.
1. I have no children
Not that this is a must when you pass thirty, but a wish should at least be actively pursued and expressed. You should be in a chirpy mood when seeing baby clothes. Sorry, I only do that with tiny shoes and that’s because I’m crazy about shoes.
2. All my plants die
It’s a tragedy. Even the bamboo plant I got from my brother has kicked the bucket. I think it has something to do with that feel temperature of -20 and that I didn’t bring it inside. I think, I’m not sure, it could also be the lack of water. By the way, these are the plants of 2018, for when you can manage it.
3. I open my mail way too late
I still blame it on the mailbox being next to the front door and I always take the back door. But the fact is I can trip over fifty envelopes, aim them at my desk, and only then open them way too late. I’ll just confess.
4. My accountant emails me and not the other way around
That it’s time to file my taxes and if he can help with that. He’s my hero, you understand. If you’re looking for an accountant in Utrecht or nearby: I know your man. But I manage to flip through the ads from the Tax Office, I hate administration that much. I also panic.
5. I forget to file my taxes
But you already knew that...
6. Returning packages is not my forte
And that while I even have my groceries delivered at home. I collect packages and send them back too late and then hope it’s harder to reset the system than to tap me on the fingers.
7. Keeping moderation is difficult (and not fun)
One glass becomes a bottle. You can’t walk on one cocktail. And the hangover comes later and is absolutely worse as you get older.
8. I drive (too) fast
In my mind, you should drive neatly after your thirties (except for that one guy) and certainly not sneak your car in front of your slow predecessor on the merging lane before the traffic light. Or yell at fellow road users because they are the slow ones. I do all that.
9. Unmarried and no plans
When I talk about my love, I would prefer to call him my boyfriend forever. Just because it sounds so sweet. But we are not married, have no plans, and people find that strange. Not that they say it out loud, but the cautious raising of the eyebrow says enough.
10. I pay my bills late
That is a direct result of opening your mail too late, you’ve been warned. It’s not unwillingness or lack of euros (except for that extravagant shopping spree at some fashion houses), but my chaotic brain refuses.
11. My savings account is struggling
Filling, emptying, filling, and emptying again. Buffers, what are those? I must be a financial risk in the eyes of the bank, but a gain for retail and that’s also important.
But hey, I can cook (without pots and packages), I’m quite a good host for my guests, I work, and go to bed on time. You could say I’m starting to learn, even though I doubt that again.
